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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Am I the only one who thinks OP is off base here?  IMHO, she is coming off as high maintenance and with an attitude.

[quote=Anonymous]

-Invited her sister to stay in our house while we were out of town without asking me.  Then proceeded to spruce up the place to make it suitable for her sister.  She bought a lamp.  Put up temporary shades.  Previously she would make comments about the lack of window treatments in the guest room/bathroom.[/quote]

You are upset because she bought a lamp and put up window treatments?  SO what.  Take them down after she leaves.

[quote]-Left her unruly un-neutered male dog with us repeatedly to go on vacation.  For weeks at the time without asking me.  He has destroyed two doors in our house.   Ran away.  Tries to attack our friends.  The list goes on.  Most recently she left the dog when I was nine months pregnant.  I only found out about the plan when she mentioned it in a speaker phone call.  [/quote]
This is a husband issue - you and your husband need to get on the same page on this one.

[quote]-Says things to my husband like "we need to figure out the holidays."  They then proceeded to plan a trip to Colorado for Christmas without asking me, which forced me not to spend any part of the holidays with my family.  I am an only child.  We even flew to Colorado on my grandfather's 80th birthday, so I had to miss his party.  I didn't know about the plan until she dropped the bomb on a speaker phone call.  Then in Colorado, she planned activities that forced me to drag a five-month-old out in single digit/negative degree weather.  Then made comments about my bundling him up.  I had no say in the activities for my baby's first Christmas at all.[/quote]

First, you have the option of discussing this with your husband and deciding if you want to go (as a family).  You always have the option of saying no.  You also had the option of flying out a day or two later so you could attend the party.  Again, a husband issue- you need to get on the same page and work together as a team.

[quote]-Thanksgiving we spent with both families at a centrally located rental.  The plan (or so I thought) was for MIL, my mother, and me to split up dinner preparations at the house.  Instead, she rolled in with a whole Thanksgiving dinner that she prepared at home in coolers. [/quote]

You are upset that she brought dinner?  Really?  She may have actually thought it would be easier to prepare everything ahead of time.  Shame on her.

[quote]-Same Thanksgiving she physically removed the baby from my mother when my mother was putting him down for a nap.  MIL swept him off to her room and rocked him for an hour.  [/quote]

My MIL has done this (and my mom wasn't putting the baby down).  I chalked it up to her being excited.  What is so wrong with your MIL going into a room (presumably for some quiet) so she can sit with her sleeping grandchild?  You mentioned your mother was putting him down.

[quote]-Blowups have been first in Colorado when she exposed the baby to lead by putting up Christmas lights that bore a lead warning on the box. When I said something to her, my husband sided with her and the ILs made a big display of leaving.[/quote]

You blew up because lead lights were put on a Christmas tree?  The baby is 5 months old - not even crawling.  This sounds like a major overreaction.  Just nicely mention in the future when the baby is crawling and/or walking that you need to be careful of the lead content.

[quote]-I tried to apologize to her for the misunderstanding about the lead.  I flew to see her.  Instead of talking to me rationally, she told me all the things she didn't like about me.  Including that I was rude because I didn't cook for them when they visited (even though I was working 50 hours per week, they would visit at the worst possible times, and give me no notice).   My personal favorite was telling me that I was rude because I didn't participate in previous Christmas Eve dinner because I was pregnant and naseous.  Also, said that she had to do things in our house (see bullet 1) because I "never lift a finger to do anything."  Also said I bought her nice gifts to show off and get attention.  [/quote]

Keep in mind, she may be upset about how you handled things.  These sound like she is lashing out.  I am not excusing her- these are dreadful things, but now you know that you need to set expectations.  When she plans on visiting, YOUR husband needs to let her know, based on the timeframes, that cooking dinner every night is not feasible.

[quote]-At Easter, I hosted and cooked and tried to correct for all of her complaints about my domesticity.  Then she claimed to my husband that I was rude and excluding her by not letting her help.  Why would I after what she said about me?[/quote]

Because you are an adult and not petty.

-Today I saw a text from her telling my husband that all she wanted for Mother's Day was a picture of him and my son.   Clear implication that she didn't want a family picture with me in it.  No pictures of me on her Facebook either.  I was livid, so I called her up and let her have it.   [/quote]

Sigh.  Sometimes a mother just wants a picture of her son and grandson.  My MIL has asked for this and did not have other motives.

Your MIL is not the easiest or best MIL - but I think you have made the problem worse.  [b]Sometimes you need to be the bigger person and go with the flow. [/b] I can kind of see why your husband is faulting you in some of these situations - but on others- I think he really needs to get on the same page.

[/quote]

NP here- I think all adults should be held to this standard then. I find often that I, as the wife, am expected to be the bigger person and go along with things. My MIL is never asked or expected to be the bigger person, or to even meet me in the middle somewhere. It is always that I am expected to relent and give in to her needs, demands, schedule, etc.[/quote]

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