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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Question for the wives, do you feel as though your DH is on your side? Has your back?

I don't feel this way and I almost don't feel safe around my mil. My husband thinks it's between me and her and we need to figure out how to be around each other.

So frustrating, since I can tell that it's putting a strain on our marriage, but my DH doesn't see it as his problem. [/quote]

NP here.  OP, you need to be the bad guy (since she is making you out to be one, anyway - you have nothing to lose!) and speak up for yourself.  I have learned not to depend on DH, as MIL is old and no one wants to speak up to her, even though they should have decades (centuries??) ago.  Yeah, this woman is old.

You can't let her push your buttons like this, part of this is how you react to her.  In my case, I am sure to email my MIL if I have a request.  Basically, most things she does  annoys me - we are oil and water.  So, I pick the most important issue and (instead of calling her on it, like I really want to) - I make suggestions for alternative behavior.  Make it sound like it is too logical for her to refuse; as if she will be the bad guy (that she really is) by saying no. By emailing, you have physical proof (for your own peace of mind, if nothing else) that you addressed the situation nicely, and she was still an a-hole.  Also, choose your battles.  Do not make the emails incessant, make them occasional.

Also, as far as vacations and holidays (two of my MILs favorite things to f*ck with) - make your plans for your family, ASAP in the season, then TELL her "this is what we are doing" and whether or not she is welcome to join you at (given time).  This way, she has no control over any of your major events/times of year.  My MIL's favorite time to act up is weddings and funerals - pretty much anything.  So I know how to go around/above her by now.  For example, if the ILs go on vacation, it is not who I care to spend my limited time off, so DH goes without me.  Sometimes the children want to join him, sometimes not.  As the children get older, they paint their own picture, trust me. You need to create boundaries. GL. [/quote]

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