Reply to Regretting taking the mommy track

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I suggest playing this out in your head or, better, on paper. If you do x, then y needs to happen/will happen. Really think it through.

I hate to say it but I think you need to start making career decisions that will support you on your own in the event of divorce.

Here is where I see this going. You are dissatisfied because you had a great, high paying job and your DH did too. Then you had a kid and all of the additional kid duties fell on you; DH did not step up. Your solution was to mommy track, with the expectation that this would make life manageable while DH kept earning $. Except that he didn't do that. So now you've given up your $ job, he's given up his, and you are still  doing most of the house work and child-related work.

Now you are seeing the lack of financial stability and, understandably, questioning why you are in this boat given where you were 5 years ago. Since DH seems to have become a drain on, rather than contributor to, family finances, you feel like it's all on you to provide financial stability.

I think what is going to happen is that you are going to jump back onto the track you were on, and do fine there. Except that you are going to discover that DH still is not going to pull his weight at home and with the kids. So then you truly will be doing it all - financially supporting the family as well as maintaining the home and caring for the kids.

At that point, why on earth would you stay with a man who is willing to sit back and let you shoulder everything?

I must have married your DH's twin brother. My ex also did not step up when our child was young, and I also gave up a high paying job so that I could spend more time with our child and take on more of the house and child related work. When I went back to work after a few years, he behaved as if nothing had changed and did not take on more house/child related responsibilities. Then he lost his job due to misconduct, and still did not pick up the slack at home. He had checked out of the marriage and family, and, in true slacker fashion, left even the formal dissolution for me to handle.

Good luck, OP.
[/quote]

Thanks, PP. Yes, this is my somewhat pessimistic view of the situation. This also assumes I could reenter my old career. I think another option could be sort of switching roles in my current position to get on a slightly higher paying track there. They really like me, the benefits are amazing, and the more I think about it, the more growth potential there would probably be if I stopped signaling that I really want to be mommy tracked. With a loan from my parents to create some escape velocity, I could probably get by doing that, renting a place that would work for me and the kids, who are getting older and are therefore at school for full days and probably would not even mind aftercare. This sounds a little overwhelming and I am really not there yet, but I completely agree that I need to go through the flow chart. We have a big family vacation coming up with my parents and siblings. I am hoping all the support helps me think through things a little more clearly. [/quote]

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