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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gosh, I don't know.  Do you want to have a relationship with these people?  They've shown their true colors and they are difficult people who view things through a narrow lens.  You are going to always be bending over to meet their needs and placate them.

Their attack of you was unprovoked and undeserved.  Personally I'm with your husband on blocking them and keeping them separate.  He grew up with them and he understands the family dynamics much more than you or an anonymous forum.[/quote]

OP here- Do I want a relationship with them? Yes, because it's important to my husband and I think it's wrong to deny my daughter access to half of her family. They have caused a lot of stress to us over the years (for example, SIL complained 3-4 times in January to DH that I never call her, and so I picked up the phone and called her. Left a voice message of "hey, would love to catch up! etc". She never called me back), which is why I'm very frustrated with this latest episode. I just want to live my life and have a friendly relationship with family. My family sure isn't perfect, but they're not difficult to get along with, but the in-laws are just drama drama drama all the time and it is exhausting.

I certainly appreciate all the kind words from everyone on here, and to the PP who asked, yes, I've thanked DH for being so awesome to me about this. He managed to break out of all this crap through years and years of therapy, but the rest of the family don't seem to understand how they're impacting others. They think they're normal and I'm cold and arrogant, and I just need to beef up my coping skills and not take this personally.[/quote]

OP, you sound great.  But I grew up with alcoholic parents and have a lot of dysfunctional relatives and truly you will drive yourself crazy if you let them have so much of this headspace.

One thing that *might* help is if you do something like see if you can schedule a regular call or Skype session with your MIL...and or SIL.  Like, every other Thursday night the cousins will Skype or something.  Very, very clear definitions of when you will call.

But really, just to calibrate your sense of normalcy -- I have never once, not once called my SIL just to chat.  She's not my sister, we live states apart, we're not friends, why would I call her for anything?  Her brother, who has a relationship with her, can call her.  I think it's great when some people are better friends with their IL's but, honestly, your reactions and your frequency of communication sound totally sane and fine.  The big lesson here is that YOU CANNOT MAKE THEM HAPPY.  There is literally no level of communication that would make them not complain about you in some way.  Literally, none.  They are going to complain about you because they are unhappy people and they need a scapegoat.  You are an IL so you are an easier target.  That's just the way it's going to be.  Please, please try not to let it eat you up.[/quote]

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