Reply to My Daughter Has Her Own Version of Reality

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP--you don't say if she acts this way with others.  If so, this is a more concerning problem because she will alienate her peers and become socially isolated.  I'd hop right on it with a therapist etc.

I also think that you and the PP with a daughter going into last year of high school need to re-evaluate how you are responding to your DC.  I cannot recommend highly enough practicing validation.  This is a technique developed for people with borderline personality disorder (funny a PP mentioned this), but it works really well with pre-teens and teens.

Practicing validation turned around my relationship with my teen DD 180 degrees.  I just read up on it and put it into practice.

Google validation and BPD.  One good book on this is "Stop Walking on Eggshells."  There are others.  With some internet searching you'll be able to get the gist of it and see if this could work for you.[/quote]

OP here. thank you for this suggestion and some of the more helpful ones.
To clear up a few things: I only used Steve Jobs as an example, I am in no way comparing my daughter to him but I thought that, for those who read the book, they could understand what I am talking about. I had thought about adding "but she's no genius" and figured I would be jumped on for dumping on my kid. I guess on DCUM you can't win.

She has been diagnosed with ADHD and is in therapy so I guess it makes sense that this sort of behavior is linked. What a joy this ADHD is! depression, anxiety and this too!

Here's an example of her alternate reality: She swears she went to archery camp. Now, as her mother, I am 1000% certain that she did not go to archery camp. She has no reason to lie about this to me (to her friends, yes - and I will get to that), but in her mind this absolutely happened.

With many of these things DH and i just go along with it because sometimes it's harmless or just not worth the fight. But, at certain times we feel that she just cannot get away with spouting falsehoods because little things, like "going to archery camp," could turn into big things that could really get her or someone else into trouble.  We do try to "negotiate" with her on details to validate her opinion but it can be frustrating.

So while DH and I can mostly manage this behavior, my biggest concern is how it has affected relationships with peers. She does lie a lot, and admits as much, but when these lies turn into "reality" kids are not as understanding. She does have friends but has alienated many. Some put up with her better than others. If she continues this into adulthood it could be problematic. [/quote]

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