Reply to What to tell our kids to call my step-mother?

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Reply to "What to tell our kids to call my step-mother?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sisters kids call her by her first name.

She was the reason their grandparents got a divorce.

None of the kids affected want their own children to give her the honor of being called grandma, because she is not.

[/quote]

I'm a kid of divorce and raging infidelity too and I think this is an interesting perspective because I had a very, very visceral reaction that went 180 degrees opposite. And so did my husband, also with divorced parents.

I didn't want my kid having anything to do with all of that, he doesn't need to carry any of the weight of someone else's crap relationship decisions. Thus we have no "step-uncles" or "step-grandpas" or anything like that, regardless of how close I feel with any of them or the remarried parents.. Even though our parents only remarried as we were adults so our step siblings never grew up with us or anything, they are still either "uncle", "aunt" etc.

As for grandparents, my rule was that you love my kid and treat them like a grandkid then you certainly are a grandparents and can be called whatever you and my son want together. I wanted the burden of fault, choosing language, ranking relationships, picking sides or any of that to never touch him. He has 6 grandparents (3 by blood, 3 remarried spouses) who adore him and he adores right back.

Also, IMO the reason the grandparents got divorced is squarely on the grandparents- the 3rd party was not doing anything noble in there of course but that person was invited in by grandma or grandpa making the mess in the 1st place, and they shoulder the responsibilities of their marriage and its endurance or disintegration, solely. No one can "break up" my marriage except my husband or myself. Even in a situation where 1 spouse completely ruins things and/or leaves, that would be "grandma" or "grandpa" and we don't seem to advocate taking away their title in this situation.[/quote]

Maybe that is part of it.

I have met the woman once and there is not an endearing bone in her body. Perhaps that is part of the reason she is not considered by anything but her first name.[/quote]

Was this OP responding? Because if so, I'm really confused as to why this is an issue, when she's married to your father for most of your life, but you've only met her once? What involvement is she likely to actually have with your kids that you even need to worry about the naming issue?[/quote]

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