Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I were in your shoes OP, I'd stay until the kids were grown. After that, I would just explain we have no chemistry and it's best to go our separate ways.

My aunt and uncle are somewhat similar except for them it's strictly a business contract. They have zero chemistry, don't love each other but the benefits they've gained outweigh all of that. Thank goodness they don't have kids. [/quote]

We can't stay together and not have sex. It will break his heart if/when he finds out about this. Living together after that would be appalling. There is no way.[/quote]

You said you have no chemistry.  But seems to me, if you are not able to make yourself even have sex with him, then you are physically repulsed by him (even though by your own admission he is an attractive guy since women check him out).  Why?  I think you do have some issues.  You need a different therapist to help you figure what the heck is going on.[/quote]

We do have sex, it's just not the type that I want. And it's not very often. Maybe 4 times a month. He is objectively good looking. I don't know why I'm not attracted to him. Let's put it this way. I would be hurt and angry if I found out he was cheating on me. But it wouldn't be devastated. I would move on variety easily. [/quote]

Is the issue that the sex is not the type that you want, or that you have no chemistry with him?  Do you think if he indulged in your sex fantasy that you'd be happier?  If this is the case, then why don't you tell him, or ask him to go with you to a sex therapist or regular therapist to discuss this with him in a  non judgemental way?[/quote]

Well since you asked. I have tried that. We have tried that. But it didn't really work. I want rough sex. I want a confident, sexy man to push me around a little bit. I want it to be a little risky and daring. I want to be thrown off guard. I want to be *into* it, you know? The kind of sex we have is so predictable and mechanical and way too sweet. He is always trying to kiss me during which I hate. I don't know how to articulate this but it's like he is way too polite and PC to do what I want. It was such an awkward failure.

Now do you see what I mean??[/quote]

I understand. I am a DW who has lost the chemistry after 14 years together and my DH sounds just like yours. I won't write the chapters of shit I have gone through to deal with this, but the roundup is:

After many months of couples and individual counseling, I have chosen to stay. I am 85% glad that I have, as we have two young children and our family life is good. The sex will always be an issue. Always. I am trying to take things under control without talking about it, because I am sick of talking about it. It is helping a bit...enough that I do not constantly feel undersexed.

OP, go to her soy before you throw away your marriage. You need to do the work to make sure that, if you end the marriage, you will have no regrets. I never got to that place, so I recommitted.[/quote]

Um, "to her soy" is supposed to read "therapy." Obviously.[/quote]

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