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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate the whole "HD LD" internet thing. Sex is a complex emotional, physical, and psychological thing, and it waxes and wanes naturally in all relationships over time as normal couples 
face normal pressures and challenges. It should not be turned into some kind of immutable identity thing.[/quote]

+1. I also hate how we seem to treat is as happening in a vacuum on these threads. Sure, sometimes is goes down the road of "well, maybe if you were meeting your spouse's needs in other areas, they would meet your needs here." But in general, it seems like we typically end up discussing sex drive as if it's a wholly separate thing from the rest of the marriage, and your quality as a spouse is wholly dependent upon whether you're fully meeting your spouse's sexual needs. Someone could be doing everything else right in the marriage, but if they're asking for sex too much or not giving enough blowjobs, then they fail as a spouse.[/quote]

That's why it's so complicated. That's also why some partners choose not to divorce, and instead suffer in silence or seek out an affair.

Would we tell someone to suck it up because their spouse is perfect in every way except he/she has a [b]shopping addiction and is spending all their money? A gambling problem? Alcoholism? Hoarder? Workaholic? [/b]Likes to go hiking every 3 day weekend as well as every Sunday morning? None of those issues exist in a vacuum. [/quote]

The bold are false equivalencies. I left off the hiking because that seems closer.  In your bold statement you list things that are ipso facto bad.  Mental health issues are problems, and they are generally problems belonging to the individual, though they can be exacerbated / enabled by the partner.

A mismatch in drives does not mean either partner has a problem, much the way someone being either an introvert or an extrovert isn't a problem.  The problem is in the relationship, and in creating a marriage that works between 2 equally important but different people.[/quote]

Well, they aren't really false equivalencies. The PP listed things that are not bad in themselves but are bad because of the degree to which they engage in those activities and how that degree affects their relationships with others. Shopping isn't bad, but if you do too much of it, you end up with too much stuff and money problems in relation to other people. The problem with drinking alcohol is only partially an objective, physical problem -- a bigger problem is typically that drinking too much of it causes you to interact with others in socially unacceptable ways. Working certainly isn't bad - but working so much that it impairs your relationships with others is bad.

So, the low drive / high drive issue is similar. Having sex or not having sex, either way, isn't bad. But, if taken too far, having sex or not having sex impairs your relationship with others -- particularly your spouse. [/quote]

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