Reply to What do parents "owe" their adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents are sticklers for fairness.  Every gift they give is given with the attached message- loud and clear- that an equal gift has been or will be given to my siblings. Sometimes this is extremely annoying, and other times its reassuring to know that I don't have to hide the gift or feel guilty.

My DH's parents, on the other hand, have never been fair.  They paid fully for his older sister and younger sister to go to college.  DH took out loans- about 20 k so not terrible- and the parents promised to help pay them back for him.  They never did.  DH's sisters had small, but fully paid for weddings, showers, etc.  At our wedding, DH got maybe $500 from them. Over the years, his sisters have been given for birthdays nice jewelry, roundtrip plane tickets across the country, etc.  DH regularly receives small paperback books, maybe a $50 gift card if he is lucky.  To be honest, he does not ever complain, but it is glaring favoritism to me.  His sisters certainly don't "need" the help more... but they just seem to get the help more.

It is not that we need the gifts.  It is not the idea of "its not fair." BUT.. there is a message being sent when some children are treated very differently.  If we were substantially more well off it would be different.  But when all things being equal, we are all on the same financial footing- give or take- it seems strange that regular gifts be glaringly different. [/quote]
Giving the same gift does not equate to fairness, what that does is create the need for a tally sheet. As for your in-laws,  why is everybody so busy telling everyone else what momma and daddy did? Or why is momma and daddy so busy telling what they gave? Sounds like both different sides of the same dysfunctional coin.[/quote]

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