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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our 15 yr DD recently came out as gay. We fully support her in whoever she is and chooses, however, I'm not sure if it's "real" or just a byproduct of going to a small, liberal, arts school where everyone seems to be bi, gay, transgender, pan, a, etc. We are very close, and I just never had the impression she was gay. However, with my sister for example, I suspected from a young age that she was. Curious if anyone has been through this and their child ended up hetero afterall?[/quote]

You're probably going to get some mean responses so I'm glad I'm the first to weigh in. My SD could have gone to the same school as yours. Exact same scenario (except she came out as bi). Agreed that it makes no difference  to me or her parents what her sexual orientation is. But I've known her since she was 11 (just starting to like boys, had crushes, asked me about boys ALL the time). In 9th grade she started at her new school where all her friends (and I do mean all) were either gay, bi, gender-fluid or pan sexual. Within a few weeks of hanging out with them she came out as bisexual.

She's mostly had boyfriends, a few girlfriends who seemed more like buddies to me than girlfriends (though it could just be that those girls were less physically affectionate in public with her than her boyfriends were). Anyway I know her pretty well and think she just really wanted to fit in and have a "tribe" in high school (she was bullied and didn't have a lot of friends in middle school). Again, either way it doesn't matter but I think when she goes off to college or after she graduates or whenever she ends up finding a life partner, it'll be a straight relationship.[/quote]

OP here. This is our situation completely! I've heard her talk about boys for so long, this statement from her really through me for a loop.  I wonder if it is the same school. Thanks for sharing your experience. We'll just continue to support her and see what happens.[/quote]

NP here.  You two sound just like my mother when I came out, and your daughters sound just like me when I was younger.  I had "crushes" on boys because that was what I thought was expected/normal, but I had no real interest in them on a significant level.  [b]You might consider the fact that your kids are being honest with you now and felt that they had to put on a facade of being boy crazy earlier because that's what socially accepted. [/b]

I would encourage you to not tell your kids that you're "ok" with their sexuality but think they might actually be straight; that will only confuse them more and cause them to doubt themselves.  I struggled with that a lot (not fitting into the stereotypical box of a lesbian) and my mother's constant doubts and questioning only made me engage in dangerous -- and not all that fun -- sexual escapades with both men and women as I tried to sort what I KNEW was true versus what she was telling me she KNEW I was, since mothers know best or whatever.  Gay people don't all fit into a box, sexuality is fluid (more so for women than men) but if you're truly "ok with it," you wouldn't be on here looking for advice because you wouldn't have an issue in the first place.  You need to admit that you're not ok with it and deal with that yourself.  [/quote]Exactly.  When my kid told me she was "bi," I thought it was a fashion thing because she had had such crushes on boys in elementary school.  But it turns out that that was what she thought she was supposed to do.[/quote]

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