Reply to How far should we "Lean In?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I actually think the brief, postwar period in which one parent (usually the man) worked and the other (usually the woman) stayed home and took care of kids really is the ideal. Except I would want to update it so that men would be just as likely to stay home as women would.

My spouse and I both work and both try to be there for the kids (doctor visits, camp and ballet sign ups, cooking meals, trips to the playground, etc.). Let me tell you, it's exhausting. Specialization would be better. But few can afford to live on one salary in the modern economy.[/quote]

I don't.  Domestic violence was rampant when the majority of women stayed home.  Lots of women stayed in bad marriages because they had no way to financially support themself.  I'm all for extended maternity leave, but I don't think it's a good idea for the majority of women to check out of the workplace.  [/quote]

It's such a relief women can do what's best for themselves and their families and not have to worry whether or not anyone "thinks it's a good idea".  Guess what?  Domestic violence can occur in any type of partnership - with SAHMs or WOHMs.  Bad marriages and divorce are rampant even now, regardless of work status.  I find it incredibly amusing when some women insist that WOH is the only way to protect oneself from divorce, or a cheating spouse, or domestic violence.  Bad things can happen in any type of partnership or work situation.  At some point, you have to find a partner you trust and do what works best for your own family.  Honestly, the best thing I ever did was "check out of the workplace" - or "lean out," if you will.  [/quote]

Of course it can, but it's a fact that it was much more of a problem when women had less rights and were more dependent upon men.  I know plenty of working women who are divorced.  The fact is money equals independence for many in our society.  There are men who will take advantage of women who are dependent upon them.  Just look at other countries where women are expected to take care of home and have babies, those women usually have far less rights and live in worse conditions.  There are also good men who fully support their wife staying at home as well.

Everyone should do what works best for their family.  [b]Those who chose to lean out should accept their decision without bashing those who have chosen to lean in. [/b]I do believe it's fully possible for a family to have two successful working individuals especially with family support.  I believe some women like to yell that this is not possible because they feel threatened by super successful women like Sheryl.  She is obviously secure in her decision, yet insecure women constantly want to tear her down for her decision. [/quote]

I'm seeing exactly the opposite on DCUM threads concerning the SAH/WOH issue.  Most WOHMs (at least on this forum) like to bash SAHMs for being "dependent, leeches, wasting their educations, etc."  I leaned out and am fully confident of my decision.  I don't feel "threatened" by super successful women like Sheryl Sandberg.  I may have decided to shelve my career for a time, but that doesn't mean I'm not "super successful" in my own right.  There are many ways to measure success, and professionally is just one.  The people who continually criticize SAHMs are only displaying their [i]own[/i] insecurity with their decisions.  Why should it matter to them in any way whether a mom (or dad) chooses to stay home?  [/quote]

I see plenty of working moms being bashed as not putting their kids as a priority, saying our kids are being raised by strangers, etc.  In my belief women need to accept that people have the right to stay at home and work.  Just because a person works does not mean they are not doing what is best for their family.  Providing financial support to me is being a good parent, whether that comes through the mom, dad, or both.  Women should not be told that we need to forgo our careers just because we have children.  Not every woman is interested in full time home making and I don't think that should be something we are forced into because we are women.  Plenty of women get real enjoyment and satisfaction out of working.  I think working actually makes me more efficient at home too.[/quote]

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