Reply to How to deal with parents & in-laws who just don't get that we're busy?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, to get back to YOUR posts since this thread has gone off into other territory about other folks' experiences....

Your dad's text that you posted here is one that would make me stop and ask, is it possible that he has things going on his life -- which he lives a long, long way from you geographically -- that you simply don't  know about?

You mention only him; is he on his own? Any chance that as he gets older he is having health issues (physical or mental) of which you might be unaware? If he visits once a year or so, he might put on a show of being fine and fit for you, or being happy in the life he's leading back at his home, but can you be objective and step back and ask yourself if maybe dad is trying to telegraph to you that he's got issues? They might not be issues just about not hearing from you, either. He may be lonely (even if he's an "active senior"), may be depressed, could be feeling isolated if he's out there without anyone, or even isolated among family if you have relatives out where he lives but you don't know whether he gets along with them.....

I know you're very busy, but have you ever considered a visit, alone, to see your dad? As his adult child, not as the mom of his grandkids? OK, the kids have music lessons, sports, school, but that can all be fine for a long weekend, with your spouse handling it, or the kids even having to miss that week's music lesson or grab some rides to sports. I just would be wondering if the issue really is just "Dad expects instant replies/replies within a day" or if there might be something bigger going on there. He was reaching out to you and sounded sincere about it. But you're still assuming this is all about how busy you are and his having some expectations you find unrealistic. They might be unrealistic expectations IF they're all that's going on but I really would wonder, in your shoes.

It sounds as if he might want some more depth from his relationship with you, and that depth can only come with actually spending time talking to and with him. Face Time etc. with the kids would be fine but it sounds as if your dad wants some real interaction with his adult child too. Just saying, don't assume that this is really about how fast you call or text him back; there may be more going on if you're open to seeing it and asking.[/quote]

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