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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, was starting the business (with its attendant risks) a decision you made together, as a couple? Or is it something you told you wife you were going to do,  and then complained that she didn't "believe in you" if she wasn't 100% on board with your gambling with your family's financial security?

Hmmmm.[/quote]

It was definitely more of my idea - no doubt about it. And in truth having now gone through this I realize that we do have very different levels of risk tolerance. It also comes down to the level of sacrifice you are willing to accept. So, yes, I was probably more interested in growing a business than maintaining our lifestyle - because without an ability to control your income you cannot control your lifestyle. Definitely fundamental differences in perception and tolerance of risk.There are other issues at play as well. I believe that you need to be adaptable in life as life doesn't always afford you the luxury of living on your own terms. As in all decisions, compromises need to be made. You want to stay home, private school, the whole shooting match - frankly in my position that meant either moving to a lower COL locale or going out on my own. I would have dialed it back and move to the Carolina's or at least a state with no income tax. That wasn't on the table. If you are married long enough it has to be about compromise for the overall good. When you a set of requirements and are intransigent, it doesn't always make life easy. That all said, as anyone in a long term marriage will attest to, it takes two and there are always shortcomings on both sides.
[/quote]

OP, I am sympathetic to your feelings right now, but think about this:

Sure, she did not want to compromise the lifestyle she had come to expect, and probably people should not assume that their cushy lifestyle can be maintained indefinitely. However, if you took risks that compromised that lifestyle, without it being a joint decision, she is not out of line for being disappointed. She could convey her disappointment better, and the indefinite SAHM thing only works if both people are on board. But it's likely that she viewed her time at home not just as HER cushy lifestyle, but her being able to provide you and your kids with a comfortable home life as well. Clearly, that also got compromised.

In any case, it sounds like you guys need to learn to like, trust and respect each other more. Counseling doesn't have to be all touchy-feely hippie garbage. If you feel like you need to be harsh and frank in counseling, or that she will be, then establish that in the ground rules of your therapy sessions. [/quote]

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