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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, at this point, you guys are in an untenable situation. It sounds like she is trying on some levels - working super hard while you're trying to rebuild, even though she doesn't want to, wishing you a happy anniversary even though it doesn't sound like you are happily married. It also seems like those are maybe not the ways you'd like her to try.

Your hurt feelings and resentments are completely legit. So are hers. The reality is that you will both have to face hard truths about your contributions to the current state of affairs. You will both have to decide if you are invested in repairing your marriage. That's not something that you can do on your own.[/quote]

Thank you for taking the time to author a thoughtful response. I have suggested counseling therapy but she is very stoic. I think we will need that type of forum where we can have hard, yet constructive, and frank conversations. It is not in her ways to be communicative. And this is not about putting it on her. We have good times and now we have had bad. While not making light of it, I try to explain that perhaps the hard times will give us gratitude. DW was SAHM and living very well. And frankly I benefited from her SAHM because it allowed me to focus my efforts elsewhere. But, SAHM evolved into a mindset that she would never work again which did not sit well with me. Part of her resentment is that she lost a very nice lifestyle. Who wouldn't want to stay home with the kids in school all day and go shopping with their mother. Part of my resentment is that she began to have unrealistic expectations regarding how folks live; I worked hard to secure us a lifestyle. [b]So, I should have more empathy but why is it ok for me to shoulder the full burden, and you stay home and its a problem when I need you step up and help us out. And if I am successful she will be the first one with her hand out.[/quote][/b]

Counseling, stat.  Not couples counseling. Start with you.  Because you have some really fucked up thought processes going on, and until you untangle them I don't think you have much of a hope of working it out with your wife. [/quote]

I don't know. I think he makes a good point.

Basically, she was a bit of a kept woman who unexpectedly had to step up and shoulder the burden of supporting the family. That's tough. Or, is it? It seems like most women work. I don't quite understand what she expected out of life. Are there really still women out there who think that they should never be expected to get a job once they have a child? And if his business ended being a success, I'll bet she would have been fine with that.

Maybe I'm nuts, but I have a hard time respecting her "anger" over having to be a breadwinner for a few years when they fell on hard times. How would she handle it if he became ill? It sounds like she saw the relationship as one where he supports her financially, period.

Honestly, this thread (like many others here) is a good warning to anyone to be leery of SAHMs.  [/quote]

Of course she seems that way. That's how OP wants us to see her because it reinforces his victim mentality and encourages him to keep indulging this nonsense with his failed business. Leaving aside the SAHM portion for a bit, what if your spouse told you that you needed to make a career sacrifice such as giving up a job you loved in favor of one you disliked and made you work longer hours but that made more money, not because of an ill or other unavoidable event, because he wanted to explore an interest that probably wasn't going to make any money ever? And that he was going to keep pursuing that interest and refuse to get a real job regardless of how you felt about it? You'd be super cool with that and giving him blow jobs every night?[/quote]

Well, that's not the full situation.  OP isn't expecting BJ's every night...he hasn't had sec in five years!

I agree there may be more to the story than OP is telling, but you're intepretation is equally as flawed.[/quote]

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