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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the white spouse, and I am not oblivious. I admired my black DH's ability to accept what he can't change in others' racism and to be the better person. He is so calm, cool, and collected, that if anyone displayed racism toward him, his coolness would be disarming. I would not have married him [b]if he thought of himself as a victim of racism[/b]. He was born a free man, and his mind is not in chains. [/quote]

I am the PP who is married to the AA LEO - I can see how you would feel that is calmness and coolness is a benefit.  However, it is the bolded part that concerns me.  Because I do not think that being "uncool" about racist gestures toward you is playing victim.  IME, the ones who play it cool build up the most rage inside about it.  But you know your DH - I do not. As I said, my DH is a LEO in a predominantly White PD.  While he does not "play the victim," he will rationally and firmly let people know that what they said or did was unacceptable - and he is treaching my son this.  You do not have to grin and bear it.  As you said, he is a free grown man.  That being said, I get more angry about things than he does.  One reason he probably is generally level-headed is because he has to keep me calm.     [/quote]

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