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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Interracial couples, is your spouse oblivious?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am an American Born Asian and despite my accent (I have a standard mid-Atlantic accent, so around here, it doesn't sound like one), I still get some people who act differently once they hear my name or see my face. I can talk to someone over the phone and they'll act normal, but as soon as they hear my name, they will start speaking slower and talking slightly louder. I get comments about "your people" or "where are you REALLY from?". People drag out any completely unrelated trivia facts about various Asian foods, the few Asians they've met, the one time they went into a Korean grocery store, and the Japanese electronics they've bought. My white wife (on one side, her family traces its roots back to the Mayflower), was liberal enough to understand that there were still inequalities in hiring, raises, promotions, etc, but she really didn't believe that there was overt racism/stereotyping of Asians especially not in urban areas like ours. She thought my stories of such events only occurred when I was a kid or long before I met her (and we've been together for 16 years). Then a couple of years ago, we were in Cincinnati in a northern Kentucky suburb and stuck in a waiting room. This older Kentucky couple looked at me and tried so hard to be friendly. They asked where I was from and when I said Pittsburgh, they asked where I was really from. They were careful to slow down when talking to me and speak louder (compared to when they spoke to each other or the white receptionist or even my wife sitting next to me). They told me stories of their son who actually tried to take them to a Chinese buffet and what odd foods they had there (I mean, they actually had raw fish! And he expected me to eat it. Not on your life!). They talked about the nice Asian guy who ran the dry cleaning business near them and they actually wondered if I had a Japanese TV. They were very sweet and very sincerely trying to be nice and neighborly so rather than some of my sometimes sarcastic responses, I was very polite and engaged them in conversation. My wife was trying so hard to stifle her laughter and finally had to excuse herself to go to the rest room. Later we talked about it and she still believed it was an isolated event, but I assured her that while it only happened occasionally, I usually got something akin to this a few times a year, say every few months. She was flabbergasted. She's seen or heard another one or two much shorter, less extreme cases now and no longer doubts that it happens.[/quote] I hear you, because people often make a thousand assumptions when they hear my accent and I tell them where I am from. And I understand why it annoys you when people "slow down when talking to me and speak louder." But let me ask you this. With some of the other questions, people perhaps just want to create a bond with you, and to understand your heritage. Yes, you are American, but you probably have a unique story to share about how your parents and you ended up here (maybe not unique in general terms, but certainly in the eyes of the person asking the question). Why does this bother you?[/quote] Here is my example of growing up Mexican. Where did you come from? Well I was born here, well what about your grandparents, they were born here also. What about your great-grandparents, well they were born in Texas also. I can trace my family in back to when Texas was part of Spain then part of Mexico. So my family has been here way before Texas was even part of the United States. Some people don't release that just because you are not white does not mean you or your family are recent immigrants. [/quote]
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