Reply to When you are forced to let go of the dream you had for your child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here thank you for the replies. I hate to say I am often right but truthfully I am, when it comes to my kids. My son is a great and intelligent young man however he just turned 18 and that's just it, he is just 18. He lacks the wisdom and experience to really make a good decision here, one that could potentially affect and shape his future.

More than anything, it is the intellectual environment I think he will thrive in the most he really gets ignited when around that. So my husband has agreed that they will visit this coming week/weekend and then make an "educated decision" as we are running out of time. I appreciate the feedback.

And to anyone who thought my post in any way was making it seem like I think this is a first world problem, I absolutely do not. I realize this  hardly qualifies for serious hardship but in the moment, yes to me its a big deal..seeing my son make a big mistake that I feel in my heart of hearts, and one I just cannot let go. It has everything to do with whats best for him and very little to do with me, even if you might not agree.[/quote]

You have got to get off this idea that its a big mistake. Its a different college. Period. Too many people think that the college will totally make or break a person's future. Your problem is not that this is a first world problem. Your problem is that you are rigid and too fixated on bragging rights.

Its just not true that you have to go to an ivy to get that great intellectual experience. What you will find at most of those schools these days is students gunning for finance jobs and business school. Thats hardly intellectual.  You can find an extremely challenging intellectual environment outside of the ivys. But I don;t think intellectuality is what you are going for. You think that all the smarties are at ivys. That is just not true. The kids I know who were learning for learning's sake kids for the most part did not go to ivys. The competitive kids went to ivys/ there's a difference.

You seem to think the only good decision here is the one you agree with. Your DS is 18. that is not only old enough to make this decision -- after all, he has to live with it -- but its vitally important that he make these kinds of calls at this age.

You said it correctly in your title -- this is [i]your[/i] dream, not your son's. He sounds like a great kid and you are well on your way to pushing his uniqueness out of him. I hope he stands tough and is true to himself. You need to work on living out your dreams through him. All you will do is rob him of his own.[/quote]

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