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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, appreciate your insights.  I have always emphasized academics and a love of learning.  My spouse is from a working class background where college is usually not as highly thought of.  But in terms of backing off, this is DC's junior year in HS.  If it isn't getting done now, when is it going to happen?  You can't redo HS.[/quote]

No, but you can have some good work experience and do well on SATs and write an essay about how you have matured and know how to learn and what you want to do and apply successfully in a couple of years.  Or you can take a couple of classes at a time in community college (no application process) and apply showing improved grades.  Or you can go to a community college for 2 years that offers automatic matriculation at a 4 year college if the 2 year Associate degree grades are decent.

If your child really struggled so much for grades in HS, you really should have him/her evaluated by a neuropsychologist to see if there is any explanation for why academics is a struggle.  It is costly ($3000-$5000K), but worth every penny.  Plus, a good psychologist can also offer some ideas about future pathways -- college, community college, work or internship programs, areas where the student has stronger skills and can achieve more easily, and suggestions about other kinds of gap year programs or supports that might make it easier to continue school.  If you were going to help pay for college and had saved some $$ for this, I would accept DC's reluctance to apply but make it a condition that he do the neuropsych testing instead, which you pay for from the college fund, and use the report to have some objective information about what might be good future options. Usually, part of the post-assessment process involves meeting with the psych in person to discuss the results, strengths/weaknesses, and ideas for the future.  It is priceless to have a 3rd party deliver this info to your child -- no matter what kind of relationship you have with your child (positive or negative), there is a whole layer of parent/child relationships that interferes with a child hearing the objective assessment of skills and potential.

After the assessment, you should definitely look at colleges.  There is a wide variety -- Ivies, big state schools, small schools, schools with support for kids with learning disabilities, schools that focus more on math/science/tech, schools which combine internship or work experience with schooling, etc.  Show him the variety without pressure.  Make it clear that you are open to HIS ideas, once he has seen what is available.  Point out PROS and CONS to each place.  Be objective.  Don't impose your wishes or desires.  Make it clear that this process is about what HE wants to become, and you are there to support whatever that is.

FWIW, my brother is very smart but struggled with school.  That was back in the day when there were not many supports for a kid like him.  He went to college, but wasn't able to graduate.  Now he has a good career he loves as a fireman.  If you ask him, college was a waste of time -- he spent years struggling to do something that was very hard for him and didn't really offer much career value.  He wishes he had just looked at jobs like police/fire/emt/computer training earlier.  They are all lucrative and have stable career arcs.  Same for other things PPs have mentioned like sales, and building trades.

You might want to post on the "special needs" thread, as there are many parents of kids with diagnosed

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