Reply to Lack of trust after sexual assault

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it is absolutely NOT normal to think of yourself and your own feelings first when someone you love has been severely hurt. Your husband is a selfish ass. I am sorry to tell you that. Stop making excuses for him. [/quote]

OP here - maybe it's not nice and I often agree that he is being a selfish ass when it comes to this.  I am married to him, though, with two children.  In my shoes, what would you do?  I don't know yet if leaving him is the answer.  I do love him and he does love me.  I Never knew that he felt this way generally before we got married - it really isn't one of those things you talk about snd I never raised the high school thing because I still feel so much Shame and feared he would judge me.  It's like, I wisg there were a pre-marriage list of questions to ask - one should be, what do you think about if a woman is assaulted while blacked out drunk?  Her fault? Discuss.  If we had that discussion pre-marriage, pre-kids, maybe I would have learned this and perhsps that would have changed my decision.  Or maybe not.  I didn't know and I didn't ask and now I do and we've experienced it together so what do I do.  Divorce him, or hope that through my own healing he will "see the light" and think more like I do?  Or accept that I can't do anything about how he thinks, and just focus on feeling his love and support in other areas?  It's not like every day he says "I don't trust you" or says the thiNgs he said in anger when this happened 3 years ago.  It's the little stuff like getting really pissed when I don't answer my phone right away and calling multiple times in a row (I'm not ignoring him but im either in a work meeting or in the elevator going down to my car in the garage).  Or when he is angry at me for something unrelated saying "you know I have trust issues with you".  He is saying those things from a place of concern and insecurity - I yhink.  It does trouble me that he can't see my own pain and put that first.  But do I leave him for that?  I don't know.[/quote]
That's not normal, it's controlling. One thing that often happens with victims of sexual trauma is that they lose (or don't develop) the ability to spot unhealthy relationships. [/quote]

Maybe that's the case here.  I have a lot of difficulty seeing things clearly when it comes to these things.  Weird because in my profession I'm extremely sharp and clear sighted - too bad I can't seem to transfer that skill set over to my personal life.[/quote]

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