Reply to Any success stories come out of affairs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The thing is, you may never fully know what your children think.  I basically lost all respect for my mom after she humiliated my father and embarrassed our family by cheating with our neighbor.  Twenty years later, she's still with him, and I think she's pathetic and he's a loser.  I really resent her dragging our family into this messy, embarrassing situation.  But I pretend that I don't mind because it's easier for me that way.  But we aren't as close as we could be.  She may never be willing to admit to herself that her cheating had any negative consequences, but it has.

Only cheat if you're willing to lose the respect of your children, permanently.[/quote]

I don't know the back story. But honestly? You sound really angry. I hope for your sake that you can mature a bit, realize that everybody makes mistakes in life, and that not everything revolves around you. Have you ever talked to your mom about what happened? Like a real, mature discussion? What led to her decision? I am not condoning her behavior, but I think you could probably benefit from some sort of closure.[/quote]

You sound awfully immature and judgmental, "honestly".  I don't think everything revolves around me, and you have no justification to make that accusation.  The point I'm trying to make is that people do not always know how others truly feel.

I wish my mother saw her affair as a decision, if not a mistake.  Instead she sees it as something that happened to her, rather than a choice she made.  She tries to blame my father entirely, and although he certainly was a jerk to her, it's not as if he could have compelled her to have an affair if she didn't want to-- with a married man no less!  We've never been able to have real discussion about it because she doesn't accept accountability for her actions.  Nor is she willing to admit that her relationship with her AP is fundamentally messed up and always has been.  So I choose to keep the peace.  The underlying problem, of course, is that she's insane.  Understanding that she has some fundamental problems in her grasp of reality has brought me some measure of peace.  She would probably describe herself as the kind of success story that the OP asked about, but she can only feel that way if she turns a blind eye to a lot of problems.[/quote]

Your perspective is very interesting.

I am about to seek a divorce from my DW and I hope to wind up with my AP.  I wish that I could have a conversation with my oldest to give them the real reasons for actions but I can't... They are too young.  I am in a very lonely marriage and it is not appropriate to discuss a sexless and affection less marriage with them.  They are still my child.[/quote]

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