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[quote=Anonymous][quote][b]one question: how settled is he in his career? what are his self esteem issues? With my ex, and my friend's ex, both were gusy in their mid 40s who hadn't really figured it out yet. The flirting and other relationships were ways of dealing with a lack of inner core and sense of self.[/b] [/quote[/quote]]

Thank you for your thoughtful message. We are both established in our careers and have normal self esteem. No past issues with depression or substance abuse or anything. He has a high-powered job and has been recognized repeatedly for his work. I always thought he had actually suppressed what could have been a high ego given the professional achievement; he doesn't brag, throw around his weight, etc. It is a stressful job with long hours. I could see flirting and other things of that sort to be an escape, something he did when he was single for many years that carried on after we started a relationship and then of course when we became engaged. I did talk to him about whether the excitement of the what-if and all the potential that comes with flirting or carrying on with someone new is what he is drawn to. If he needs that level of external attention and will seek it out, outside of what he gets in a committed relationship, it is pretty obvious he needs to not be married. [/quote]

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