Reply to Adult Children of Divorce and 'Home'

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And that's the rub. There is virtually no good outcome- even for adult children of divorce. The only situations I have seen that seem ok for the kids is where the parent is capable but not remarried. Of course- that outcome is not necessarily what is best for the parent but it is the best scenario for the adult child.

I think the big thing is- with married parents you know and are fine with the idea of eventually sharing the burden of helping your parents. But you assume that won't happen- barring unforeseen cirumstances- for a long time. You will have a chance to raise your kids first- with the added comfort of your own parents remaining together and helping one another. But for children of divorce- you are often asked or by default become the supporting partner with the added bonus of having to be the "adult" in te relationship. You are not always ready for that burden.

For my DH, the divorce marked the end of his parents "parenting". They love him and remain his friend and supporter. But they do not parent. For some people- this is what they want. But others are not ready to lose their "parent."
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Please don't speak for me, I am an adult child of divorce who turned out well. [b]Divorce sucks, but is sometimes necessary, there are people that never should have been together and are maki g each other and the kids miserable. All kinds of stuff happens in life, you deal with it. Divorce does not make the child the default parent, poor parenting does, and that kind of dysfunction can happen in or out of a marriage[/b].marruage or divorce does not make someone vulnerable as they age. Those are outcomes based on health and financial planning. You speak as if being married guarantees that only one spouse will need care in their old age and the other will be the primary care taker. Do you know how many people I know who are helping to take care of sickly MARRIED parents?
Is divorce what I want for my family, no, but I am not going to declare that it has eternally messed up every adult child of divorce. Your narrow 1 or 2 outcomes are not all there is.[/quote]
+1000
A dysfunctional marriage does not create a home base; if anything it can be worse because it should feel like home but something is missing. Kids can sense that. Two unhappy people who are still married make travel logistics easier but emotionally it's still hard.[/quote]

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