Reply to Adult Children of Divorce and 'Home'

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Please don't speak for me, I am an adult child of divorce who turned out well. Divorce sucks, but is sometimes necessary, there are people that never should have been together and are maki g each other and the kids miserable. All kinds of stuff happens in life, you deal with it. Divorce does not make the child the default parent, poor parenting does, and that kind of dysfunction can happen in or out of a marriage.marruage or divorce does not make someone vulnerable as they age. Those are outcomes based on health and financial planning. You speak as if being married guarantees that only one spouse will need care in their old age and the other will be the primary care taker. [b]Do you know how many people I know who are helping to take care of sickly MARRIED parents?[/b]
Is divorce what I want for my family, no, but I am not going to declare that it has eternally messed up every adult child of divorce. Your narrow 1 or 2 outcomes are not all there is.[/quote]

Which is a lot easier than caring for sickly divorced parents.  One house.  One assisted living place.  One payment.  One location to which to travel.  Try to keep up.[/quote]

And also, who is claiming to be eternally messed up?  You are creating a straw man.  Nobody is saying that adult children of divorce do not turn out well.  I really, really hate this dichotomy where unless my life is totally ruined I have to put on a happy face and say it was all for the best.  They chose to divorce and it sucks for me and my spouse and children on many levels.  I'm glad it's worked out ok for you, PP, so far.  But the phase where parents are very elderly and dependent is the hardest of all.  Good luck.[/quote]
21:39 says there is no good outcome. Please read before commenting. As for the phase with sick/dying/irresponsible parent, been there sweetheart. And I hate to tell you, but if you are going to have to help care for a sick/elderly parent, then you are going to have to do it whether they are divorced or not. 
As for putting on a happy face, no one said that. Do I wish my parents had a solid, intact marriage, sure. Do I wish I had never been laid off, hit the lottery, never been in a bad relationship, etc. There are a lot of things we have to get through in life that suck, but we can do it. But we cannot, as adults, blame our parents soley because they did not do what we wanted them too. If your DH's parents  had stayed married, you probably would have been on here complaining about how dysfunctional they are and don't understand why they are still together. [/quote]

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