Reply to Vent: clueless dh

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my DH is very much on the "everyone should be self-sufficient" end of the spectrum...he prefers doing things for himself and others doing their own thing.  It can be a source of friction for us, since I have very different standards for when/how people help each other out/split tasks.  He was asked to travel during one of our IVF cycles, and he actually asked me if he needed to be at the transfer (FTR, he came).  I did, however, later go to a frozen embryo transfer on my own...even though I know many IF veterans would never.

All of that being said, there is not a single example of your DH refusing to help you that you've given where mine wouldn't have pro-actively helped without being asked.  Not one.  Your situation is not just kind of his being a jerk.  I don't know if it's actively abusive, but the fact that you don't seem to feel like you deserve more makes me wonder if he does verbally put you down a lot.

I don't know what the right solution is for your family, but I do think the starting place is finding a therapist with whom you can be honest about your relationship.  Having spent decades protecting an emotionally manipulative mother, I can totally relate to whitewashing the truth for a therapist...but let me tell you that therapy doesn't work if you don't feel safe enough to say everything.  So I encourage you to seek out (and try several if you must) a therapist to whom you feel able to tell all of the stuff you've posted here...this will likely be someone who will listen without jumping to conclusions about what you should do (leave him or whatever).  You need to explore what's going on in a way that feels safe and low pressure.

Good luck OP, I do hope things start to feel better.[/quote]

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