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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think some parents here saying you have no say are parents of younger kids. I know if it were me footing that kind of bill, HELL YES I would expect to have a say. But yes by the same token would hear her out and be there if she needs me.

[b]By that I mean if this teacher is unnecessarily harsh, then maybe it needs to be looked into.[/b] I do think she needs to figure out a way to at least partially reimburse you if it comes to her dropping the class. Even if its 1/4, just for the lesson that it will teach her, that every decision has a consequence both good AND bad.

.[/quote]

Please no.  As a professor, I assure you that a parent calling on behalf of your special snowflake does them absolutely no favors at all.  Actually, we sit around and compare stories of the most outrageous helicopter parent contacts we've received at parties.

The vast, vast majority of the time, what happens is that the professor has done something ridiculous like expect your child to show up for class, turn in work on time or that meets the course requirements, and/or participate in class discussions having read the assigned material ahead of time, as set out in the course syllabus.  [/quote]

+1!

OP has belatedly recognized that she was a helicopter parent and it has backfired (take note other helicopters! time to land!). Contacting and getting involved with your college-age kids' professors is the worst possible thing a parent can do. It's bad enough that parents do it for their high school-age kids, but it really should stop by the time they are in college. Every college campus has a number of resources available to students including peer tutoring, professor's office hours and student support services (both academic and emotional). As parents we should provide guidance and suggestions, but we have to let them make the decision themselves.

OP - sadly your DD has not had the opportunity to learn how to handle things on her own and is struggling. You need to offer her guidance and suggestions, but then back off and have her decide. It will be a long road due to your past over-parenting, but she will get there. She wants you to make the decision for her not only because she wants you to pay for it, but also because she can "blame" you when it comes time to have to take additional time to graduate. "My mom told me to drop that class so I now have to take more time to graduate..." You are also having trouble removing yourself from the situation given your 2nd post that described how unfair the professor was being...how do you really know that he was truly that unfair? You weren't in the classroom and you admitted that your DD can have an entitled attitude and not handle herself well. Quite frankly, I think she is playing you and you are falling for it. I suspect the professor probably was off-put by your DD's crappy attitude about his class, but wasn't really that bad. I wouldn't be surprised it she is exaggerating the situation in order for you to jump into action. Also, why would you encourage her by suggesting that the class she is taking is not worthwhile. You suggest that art is not worthy in your post, but then admit that your daughter is in over her head by the class...be careful of dismissing something simply because it doesn't come naturally to your DD.

Bottom line is that your DD needs to learn how to handle herself better with professors and people. This will not be the last professor that she doesn't particularly like and she will not like all of her bosses in life either, but she needs to learn how to put her head down at times and figure out how to make it work. And the key to this whole thing is that SHE has to figure it out. If I were you I would give her both options like the PP suggested - drop the class and she pays for the additional credits needed or stick it out and try to get a decent grade. Either way she needs to decide and "own" the decision. Then, you step back and never mention it again (other than to ask for the money when needed). You then need to encourage her to reach out for help on campus as much as possible - I'm sure her school has plenty of support systems in place. In the future refrain from jumping to her defense in every situation with a professor. Yes, some professors are assholes, but that's life. You've got to figure it out and stop feeding your DD's persecution complex...

Good luck![/quote]

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