Reply to I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you sound like where I was with my first at 3 y.o.  I had a horrible job, DH had a horrible job, I was being criticized left and right because I was a bad mom (not home enough, not changing enough diapers, not potty training in time, lousy housekeeper, etc.).  If you are letting external expectations control your feelings, stop.  Find new definitions for "shitty".  Shitty is when someone dies.  Good is when you get through the day and no one has been injured.  Seriously, with little kids, there will be tantrums and crying, no doubt.  You could let that move your or not.

I can tell you from years of therapy, you can control how you react (if you are not depressed, which I am pretty sure I was when No. 1 was 3).

Here is an example:  The other day, older kids slipped on the ice and banged her hip.  DH had had both kids in the car in the driveway on the way to errands and he sent No. 1 back in to get something, and she banged her hip pretty badly as she fell.  He got out of the car, picked up the kid and brought her in to me wailing.  As I tried to tend to her, next thing I know, he's back in with our 3 y.o. wailing, either because she was worried about No. 1 or she was left alone in the car for a minute or she figured out I was in the house without her.  Whatever.  Dh dropped the kids and went to do the quick thing he had to do.  He could not stay, and I agreed.  I could not soothe either, or the other would wail harder.   I finally realized neither was going to die, and I just stood there laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.  I actually grabbed my phone to film the scene to show DH what he had left me with.  then they stopped crying. Until I put the phone back down, and they started wailing again.   I couldn't win, but the time was finite.

Years ago, I would have been crying myself, thinking I had to resolve the situation and not being able to.  Now, I just recognize I can't do it all, and muddling through is good enough.

As for the age, it depends on your 3 y.o, but I do think it is one of the cutest ages, albeit prone to emotional outbursts.  When I was struggling when No. 1 was three, I tried to keep a log of 3 good things that happened each day. trying to get the positive mindset back.  Try hugging everyone in your family just for the heck of it at least once a day.  Hold on, even if the only one who will hug back is your husband.  It will help you feel more connected.

Good luck!

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