Reply to Why is separation/divorce so awful? I am a wreck and don't know where to turn...

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Reply to "Why is separation/divorce so awful? I am a wreck and don't know where to turn..."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
+1  I'm a divorced (and re-married, and yes, an "upgrade" in many ways) husband.  I was the one who initiated the divorce and I was the one who wanted out, and it still left me completely spinning and hammered for a while.

What was not clear to me from the OP is: who initiated the divorce?  Even if you knew it was coming for years, getting dumped always sucks, and seeing your ex [i]appear[/i] to move on quickly to newer and better is still hard.  Doesn't matter if you have kids and a marriage - getting dumped sucks.  If you are the one who initiated ending it, then seeing someone move on quicker [i]when you are the dumper[/i] is even worse!
  [/quote]

OP here.  Yes I was the one who wanted out.  The relationship was very bad and unhealthy in so many ways, including for the kids; he was verbally abusive when there was any stressful issues going on, and hypercritical always (which I was not strong enough to ignore.)  But I guess he was also my closest friend and I didn't cultivate my friendships outside the marriage.   I am exactly as you describe, PP:  "completely spinning and hammered".  And desperately seeking a way out of this pain, even trying to talk to him about his new relationship because at least that would feel like we were still friends (naturally he's not talking.)  I'm absolutely beside myself, despite taking anti-depressant meds.  I've tried a handful of therapists but haven't found one that helps with this pain.  I never thought I would feel this bad.  One of the things one does when contemplating divorce is to read about preparing for divorce.  I never saw the advice to cultivate friendships so you're not completely alone when it finally happens.[/quote]

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