Reply to Tough situation with stepdaughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That said, I think you and DH would benefit from marriage counseling immediately. First, you need to decide if you want a child and if he's not the right partner for you, you need to know that now and so does he.

Second, you and he both need a way to put yourselves first. If you cannot do that, whether or not the issue with having another child is resolved, you are both giving SD enormous control over your lives. You should discuss this. It may be that your DH simply can't stand up to her because of guilt or simply because he loves her and won't draw boundaries; if that's the case, you need to accept that or move on.

Finally, I think that deep in your heart you want him to choose you over her. He will probably not want to make that choice and it's going to create a bad feeling in him if you press that choice. I'd bet he loves you both. I'd imagine you want to find ways as a couple in which he is not choosing between the two of you and some of that is going to require him drawing some boundaries but some of that is going to require you not pushing him to choose.
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I get that OP says she would rather stay in the marriage than have a child, so maybe point #1 doesn't apply, but I think the other two reasons for marriage counseling do apply and would urge it.
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I'm sure you're right. It's unlikely though. I've asked him so many times to go talk with someone and he won't do it.  I know he sounds like a jerk - he's really not. He's just convinced that we can work things out on our own.[/quote]

Ask him to try it with you for some small number (like 3) of times. Tell him you'd like to improve the situation and while you have confidence the situation will get better eventually, you feel it would be good for SD and him and you all for the situation to get better more quickly.[/quote]

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