Reply to Grandparents already fighting over who spends more time with newborn

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why you would change plans just because the grandmothers and a bunch of strangers don't like your current plan.  If you seriously think it will be nice to be at someone else's house for that time and have someone else look after you and your new family, I think that's a fine idea.

Tell your mom and MIL that you totally understand their concern and you hope that they'll feel welcome during that time and that there will be a lot of opportunities over the following months for them to have some quality bonding time with their new grandchild.  Then stop debating.[/quote]

+1.  The funny thing is for us my mother said she didn't want to visit the first two weeks and wanted us to get I to our groove as new parents and bond with the baby and our in-laws came for the birth but left a day or two later to give us privacy and space as new parents.  So any notions I had of family staying with us the first two weeks of the baby wasn't even an option!

Look, I do get why you would be willing to stay with your SMIL. I remember feeling so much pressure to breast feed like the rise and fall of civilization and my fitness as a parent came down to successful breastfeeding.  When I was in the hospital with my first we couldn't even get the lactation consulting to come by our room.  So I'm a hormonal mess, feeling like a failure, have this little person crying and dependent on me, shifting from young hip married couple with not even a plant dependent on us to parents with baby laundry (gosh the amount of laundry), poopy diapers, midnight feedings etc. While we did manage, who can say if we would have managed even better if we had help during that time.

It really comes down to your DH.  You do give up some of this we are clueless together as we figure this out if you go to SMIL.  Theoretically he also has to step up and do more while you are recovering from childbirth when you don't have anyone to help. However, if together the both of you feel like this is the way you want to start off, having someone that knows what they are doing helping you and sharing the burden and joys of the baby the first two weeks with them, realizing that even when someone is the expert, you may still have different opionions or want to do things differently and everyone can be cool with that, then to me there is no debate.  There will be plenty and I mean plenty of time and ways for grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren of they are closeby and to help out.  Think snow days, sick days, date night, family vacations, just because picking up the kids and doing a fun activity, kid birthdays, your anniversary, if you guys have another child etc.[/quote]

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