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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And you couldn't feed the baby a bottle of formula?[/quote]

This. Yes OP, you put too much emphasis on breast feeding here and your child went to NICU apparently just so you could prove a point.
I'm very sympathetic to the rest of your plight, but this incident was ridiculous.

Initially you said your wife does all of the 'physical things' for the kids- what does that mean? If she does ALL of the physical things, could that be why she is exhausted? Or do you mean you both do the 'physical' care for the kids and she is completely absent emotionally?[/quote]

Well give me a little leeway here.  It wasn't me proving a point.  It was me buying too much into the benefits of breastmilk and how "bad" formula is.  Trust me I know role in this.

But at the same time she didn't put a lot of effort into it or taking care of the kids.

As for physical, I meant cooking and cleaning.  Where that is something that I do appreciate her for.  Where I know nowadays that's really rare to find.  There are also other times that she stuck by me and made me think that it was worth trying to work out.

Everytime I considered ending it, I changed my mind in hopes for happier days that might come and also the happier days that we had.

With the second kid, I had mixed feelings about it.  I did have a lot concerns which I told her later on as well.

However like I said, I wanted us to be a happy family and one of the things is that I wanted our first child to have the benefits of a sibling.  One of the things I did tell her was there was no way that I was raising both kids by myself.  But yet again I find myself by myself with both of them for large parts of the work day.

I feel bad about it because the second kid probably was not a happy pregnancy due to the fighting and not talking to each other during the pregnancy.  However even with the second pregnancy she did some things I told her was not a good idea and what I warned about ended up happening.

I had mixed feelings about the second kid before he was born but love him very much as well.  And I hate that I can't give him the same attention as I did my first one and also that my first one can't get the same level of attention as I used to be able to.

You all are right.  There are other underlying issues and I'm choosing this.

I will say that she is there for the kids now and spends time with them.

With our first kid, it used to be anger me when she used to find any opportunity to leave the home or hand off the kids.  Another example that annoyed me.  When our first kid was sick last minute, I was ready to stay at home to take care of him (as I'm often the one that does).  But she agreed to be the one to stay and take care of him.  Later on I found out that she ended up taking him to my parent's house and went to work.  My dad had just started a new job (basically equivalent of a laborer job) and caught what my kid had.  So got sick and couldn't go to work.  And ended up losing his job for not being able to show.  (which happens with those laborer type of jobs)

I think a lot of her work load/late hours is just the nature of the job.  Which is high stress and trying to meet deadlines.  So there are times when they need to meet a deadline and will burn the midnight oil.  She gets compensated well for it but my point of view is that I'd be willing to take less money for a life where I can raise the kids.  Which I do.

With her school work, I urged her to finish her program before the kid was born.  But she refused to, partially because it worked better for her financially.  But once she was able to return back to school that program required group projects where she would return late at night.  And those were probably the days where she wouldn't see the kid awake for several days at a time.

But when I say being able to do self sacrifice that's what I mean.  Where you put that little bit extra effort to finish school earlier so that you can be there to raise your kids.  Her classmate planned for that and did that as well.

Same thing with the gym, where she refuses to push herself or give herself at the gym.  And that was an issue when we used to work out together.  So it was better that we work out separately.

I just don't see her as being the type of being willing to do what it takes to do something.

And right, that's not the underlying issue.  The underlying issue is that our relationship didn't start off so well.  And when I get reminders of that it will fester in mind along with all of the other negativity.  And come out when the opportunity comes up.[/quote]

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