Reply to 12-YO was irresponsible, will cost us thousands; appropriate consequence?

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[quote=Anonymous]I was also thinking water damage from not turning something off! It's very hard to say without knowing specifics. But I'll give it a shot.

I am assuming the kid did something like fill up a container or wash his bike using the garden hose...something he'd done a lot before. But this time he didn't screw it closed tight enough, and it leaked water into the basement causing a $7k flooring repair situation. Or perhaps you have a toilet in your home that's habitually leaky but is fine if you turn the handle a certain way, and this time, he didn't do that and you didn't notice until 2 days later it had totally flooded the bathroom. Am I right, OP?

So, if that's the kind of thing he did, I wouldn't punish him. These are things that SUCK, but they are things that you or I or any adult could also do in a rush or in a moment of forgetfulness. They are the things that happen to your property and time and finances when you have children. If you or your DH did this, you wouldn't punish each other, so don't punish him.

But since he is 12 and growing up, I would loop him into the repair process. Have him sit in on estimates (but don't blame or berate or embarrass him) and have him help you do calculations and decide on which is best. Have him understand the hassle it costs to fix this mistake, and that it costs real money. So sure, he might have to miss a soccer game because he has to stay back and help you let in the repair guy, but he doesn't have to scrimp and save his allowance to make it up to you. Because it was a mistake.

Make it a learning experience, tell him about when you did something dumb. Let him feel the annoyance but don't shame or punish him (for this first time).

This is my take on an imagined scenario, and it's the advice of a mom of a 5 yo. So I am just winging it here. [/quote]

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