Reply to How long did it take for you/your spouse to feel balance/normal after an extra marital affair?

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[quote=Anonymous]I cheated, for almost a year, soon after we married and before we had children or owned a house. It was cowardly and terrible - I did not think we were going to make it, I wanted out, and we had not changed anything about our single lives after marriage. All of those are excuses, but they provide some context. I felt horrible, and when my husband found out/I confessed (it was more of a confession/what is going on with you type thing), I expected things would be over. But they are not, and five years later we have children, and a home, and I think we are okay. I often think he regrets forgiving me, and I think it changed our relationship in all kinds of terrible ways I had not envisioned at the time. We have done therapy, and I can honestly say I would never, ever do it again. For me, it was a horrible self destructive thing like cutting or drugs. I caused everyone so much pain, and I have so much regret about it.

That said -- I don't think you get over it. I am still not over having done it. It changes a marriage. But I would not look on DCUM for advice or support - on this website, everyone tells every woman complaining about doing all the dishes to Divorce! and Why did you marry him? So, well, no. Therapy, meditation, take time for yourself, cherish yourself, grieve. It is like a mini death. Take care of yourself.[/quote]

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