Reply to I thought we were mutually exclusive

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I thought we were mutually exclusive"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As I write this, I am very hurt. I have ( or was) dating a guy for the past 7-8 weeks. Everything seemed to be okay, or so I thought. We have been doing "normal" couple things; it was great. I have even been a date for a family wedding. I thought we were on an awesome start to a long-lasting relationship. Then the shocker..I am over at his place, using his laptop, and I find a chat message with another woman. The conversation was right there as I opened the computer. Apparently he invited an FWB over to hook up. I also happened to be out of town.

I understand that we are early in the relationship but I am still hurt. He told me it was a bad judgement call [b]and I am making too much of a bid deal out of nothing. [/b]We never had any exclusivity talk but we were both under the assumption that no other parties were in the picture. I have met all of his friends and majority of family. He introduced me as his girlfriend.

I am understandably upset and confused. On one hand, we never had any exclusivity talk, but who does these days? On the contrary, I don't know if I can be mad or constitute this as cheating if we aren't in a relationship. I had no reason to place distrust in him until this moment.

This is a vent but I would like opinions and thoughts on this. [/quote]

OP, given the information you've provided in subsequent posts, the bolded part above is what would bother me the most.  A 2am message to the FWB indicates to me he was probably drunk and stupid.  A mistake, maybe falling back into his single life patterns, maybe something he was able to justify to himself if exclusivity wasn't 100% clear and he was inebriated and his judgement clouded.  Mistakes, even ones that cause hurt, can be forgiven.  Dismissing your feelings about it, and telling you you're overreacting, though, is a problem.  If he's interested in continuing a long-term relationship, he should own up to his mistake, apologize for hurting you, and work to rebuild trust.

You said that he's trying to get in touch with you but that you're not speaking to him right now.  I'd hear him out, and look for his willingness to take responsibility, a sincere apology, and acknowledgement that your feelings and hurt matter and won't be dismissed.  If you get those things from the conversation, I think you could try to move forward (and HAVE the conversation about exclusivity and what that means to each of you).  If you get more dismissal of your feelings in the conversation, more talk of how you're overreacting, I'd end the relationship.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics