Reply to Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

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Reply to "Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]What if this was OP's funeral? (sorry, OP!) Would it be okay for her nephew to miss a funeral of a close family member for a soccer tournament? A wedding is just as important and I'd say almost more so since the guest of honor is alive to appreciate your presence.[/quote]

I would be fine with a 14 year old nephew who I didn't see very often (per OP's original post) missing either my wedding or my funeral.  And I don't even care about sports at all.[/quote]

I actually have a family situation very similar to OP.  Extremely close sister in different state with teenage niece and nephew.

If I'm dead, please go to the sports tournament!!!

I think this boils down to how your family operates.  Some families really place a lot of value on showing up for the big events - must be there at all the holidays, birthday parties, graduations, etc.  And some families aren't like that but are still very close.  It doesn't mean one way is better or one family loves each other more.[/quote]

+1000

Give me a family where everyone just trusts in what they mean to each other, rather than one with an attendance sheet.[/quote]

It's not about an attendance sheet. It's about sharing in the joys and celebrations in your family's life.

[/quote]

1.  Not everyone shares joy in the same way.
2.  A 14 year old boy will not feel joy at a wedding.  He'll be bored stiff.  And the OP, who sounds lovely, might interact with him for 5 minutes at most.[/quote]

:)  OP here.  It's a small wedding.  50-60 people.  I think my nephew wants to come (was excited to do a reading and had his outfit planned out) and would be something less than bored stiff and hating it, but not sure it'd go all the way to the joy level or close!  I get it.  Kid/teenager.  I'm not putting anything on him anywhichway he feels about it.  I feel badly he can't do both, because I think he would actually want to if there was no conflict.  I guess my initial reaction was it being a lesson in family.  You might be bored, you might have something you think is better, and even something important, but family is the most important and this is how we show up for people, when it's inconvenient or when other good things are available as well.  But need to remember that I can't put that value or perspective on my sister.  I can just say when I have a kid, if I feel the same way, that will be my choice.  And then I can duck as my son throws items at me.  :)
 
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