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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's 12. He's almost a man. You sound like you are helicoptering. Its so loud, I hear the chopper blades rattling my windows. Let him grow up and stop micromanaging him.[/quote]

12 is almost a man? Huh? You know, you don't really become a man on your bar mitzvah.[/quote]

Yes, 12 is almost a man. Duh! At 14 he'll be shaving. Folks, stop babying your boys![/quote]

My 15 year old still doesn't shave.

But you have a funny definition of a man. By your definition we should be letting 14 year-olds drink, get married, sign contracts, serve in the military. Shut up adn stop babying that 12 year old! Give him a beer and a gun and send him to war![/quote]

Not the PP but you know and I know that is not what she meant. Does your guilt drive you to say things like beer and guns?  What the heck.  Just incase you don't understand,  she meant stop micromanaging their lives.  Stop thinking every little fault is a disorder, every little moment of not being a perky happy kid is depression. Every time they get nervous, it is anxiety.  Everytime they can't concentrate it must be ADHD.  Hormones are kicking in at 12.  Rebellion too.  Not being sure about yourself. Wanting to be something your not.  Watching your body grown, expectations to behave better but you still treated like a child. More demands from school.  More demands from home.  Middle Schools sucks for 99% of the population.  Kids take things out on their parents.  This isn't anything new.  [/quote]

Did you read the original post? This isn't something new, this is the way the kid has always been. Its not hormones or rebellion, its the way he's wired.

This is the thing that those of you with knee jerk reactions don't understand, that properly identifying and addressing the source of the problem is the ONLY way to stop micromanaging their lives. You can do the daily conflict of making sure they are on top of things, as OP is, constantly nagging and pushing and fighting until it gets done. Or you can give the child the tools to be self-sufficient. But to do that you need to figure out what those tools are. Does the child have depression? Treat the depression -- trust me, a depressed child is a pain in the ass but once they are no longer depressed, they can actually function on their own so much better. Does the child have ADHD? Treat the ADHD and presto, you have a child who can handle things on his own. Does the child have vision problems? Get him glasses and you are no longer needed. Does the child have poor organizational skills? Get the child some organizational systems and watch him take off.  Is the child simply poorly motivated? Well, figure out what motivates him.

OP has three choices: (1) continue this constant daily battle, (2) step away completely so that her DS learns natural consequences through failure. Maybe that will lead him to on his own suddenly acquire the motivation he never had or maybe he will fall farther and farther and develop the behavioral pathologies that often flow from that, or (3) do the detective work to figure out why he is this way so you can address the issue and he will be able to manage his own life.

Those of you who are so quick with the lazy, unsupported ideological theories about "parents these days" aren't offering OP anything. She has a specific problem. Do you have a specific solution to offer?[/quote]

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