Reply to Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]thanks.  I won't ask.  
But here are some background details.  I had fertility issues and it was openly discussed.  Although they have had several children, my other sibling had fertility issues and it was openly discussed.  Thus, in our family, the topic has not been hush hush.  In a way, I guess, I feel like if fertility is an issue, acting like it isn't is a little odd.  But it is a personal choice to talk about it and they may be keeping it private.
It is an elephant in the room because for so long they have talked about and made decisions that reflect a longterm desire to have kids coupled with a short term desire to continue having fun (party lifestyle).  As the years go by, the party time has continued and the talk about kids has virtual stopped.  But since they always said they wanted them, it seems appropriate to assume they still do.  But maybe they don't. FWIW, no one asks so they aren't pestered.  Perhaps parents ask but with me it was relentless from parents, aunts, siblings until I finally said "we are trying!" [/quote]

First of all, just because you were open about fertility and your other sibling was open about fertility doesn't mean your inlaw is open about discussing her body.  Period.

Some people are open about health issues and openly discuss them.  It doesn't mean that other family members, relatives, and inlaws feel comfortable openly discussing their health issues.

If it is a "fertility issue," there's nothing odd about not wanting to talk about it, especially on vacations!  People go on vacations to RELAX.

Your second paragraph is FILLED with judgement.  It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  Maybe they made decisions that left the door open to have kids because they were not sure if they wanted them or not.  Maybe they still aren't sure.  Maybe they want the possibility left open but they're leaning heavily toward not having kids.

Again, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Why does it matter to you?  It sounds like you just want to judge them.  Or you want to lecture them.

I am a deeply private person when it comes to my body, my marriage, and the decision to have kids.  My husband and I have always been on the fence about kids, so we made decisions (purchasing a house, where to live) that left that possibility open in case we decided to move forward.  Then we gave it a shot (still were on the fence) but had a couple of miscarriages.  We were upset about the miscarriages, but over time have decided that we don't really want to have children.

I have NO desire to discuss any of this with inlaws or siblings.  I don't need to hear their opinion about whether they think we should or should not have kids or what they think about miscarriages or about fertility specialists or any of that.  If any of my siblings or inlaws EVER ask me about it, I will firmly tell them it is none of their business.  Period.  And if there is any hint of judgement when they ask, then I will distance myself from them because the last thing I need or want in my life is some judgy know-it-all relative/inlaw trying to tell me what they think I want or that "motherhood is the best thing ever, why wouldn't you want to do it?"

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