Reply to Asking sibling and in law if they are planning to have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know why so many people get all overexcited about this. I completely understand why members OF A FAMILY would want to know if others IN THEIR FAMILY were interested in having children. Sometimes I read these posts and wonder WTH is wrong with so many families that they feel they should never be intimate and caring with one another (and I do feel sorry for those who can't). OP, a lot of these poor unfortunates are either just very f*cked up, or overly insecure in that awesome DC way that comes out as complete aggressiveness. There's nothing wrong with you wondering about your family members as long as it comes from a place of genuine caring and not just gossipy nosiness, and I for one I saw no evidence in your post that it was the latter, so don't feel bad.

"I am sensitive, because I am one of the few who are not child free by choice OR fertility. My spouse doesn't want children, and didn't decide that till later. I've made the decision that I can live with it, but it is NOT one that I embrace with joy, rainbows, and puppies."

[b]PP, you are in fact child free by choice. You have chosen to stay with your spouse over having children. There is nothing at all wrong with that, and I'm sorry you had to make it, and it was undoubtedly a very, very tough choice where no matter which choice was made it was going to be a lesser of two evils - but it WAS a choice and you have made it and should own it. It is not fair to wave that around like a giant blunt axe at the rest of the world because YOU are still bitter about it. Everybody else is not going to automatically know about your special secret snowflake trigger and you shouldn't be taking it out on those who don't.[/b]

I have personally suffered many years of infertility and extensive IVF treatments and never thought it right or appropriate to tear a new one into innocent people who asked, unknowingly, if we were going to have children. Yes, if people harp and harp on it, that's a different issue. But a simple well-meant question about something that is a very common experience in human society is not a reason for unleashed rage, Jesus.[/quote]

You are showing your own bitterness and assumptions about your own special snowflake status of infertility.

I do not wave my "choice" childlessness around. In fact, other than my spouse, NO ONE knows the circumstances of our childlessness. It is not a conversation I engage in because it is a deeply personal matter. It does not matter if I am childless by choice, circumstance, fertility.. It is no ones business but my own. I endure questions from my inlaws, coworkers, etc. All with a smile that well, maybe some day. It's MY life. You know who NEVER asks? My real friends. They accept without question that the discussion would happen if I wanted it to, and only then.

I'm sorry that you endured fertility treatment, but you are very fortunate that it was an option.

As far as what you feel about my choice, life is full of choices. Yes I have chosen by choosing my spouse over a child. But it's like choosing from two roads, both of which will break your heart. It cuts every day, especially when people make assumptions about who I am.

Is it less heartbreaking when someone decides to quit IVF Or not to adopt when they have wanted children?  By your definition, they are childless by choice, presumably because they didn't want it enough or something. It's a choice, and a heartbreaking one. Life doesn't always go the way you plan, and there is no shame in saying it sucks. Or choosing to own your pain rather than advertise it.

I own my choice by shutting up about it, but the wound is still there and is MINE.

Every human being has their own story - it's up to them if they choose to be an open book. [/quote]

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