Reply to DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] [/quote]

So, it was definitely more than harmless fantasy, which is why I chimed originally to respond to OP.  [b]It consumed me for a while.[/b]  Maybe only because he's unattainable (not gay, but married, high profile and not likely to take the risk), but it was way more intense than any crush/fantasy I've had before.  Possibly just that I'm in my early 40s and about a year and a half out of a 5 year period of either being pregnant or nursing, so maybe my hormones are just going wild.  But I went through all the same rationalizations as OP- this would make me feel better, DH doesn't give me what I need, he sort of deserves it for sneaking around on me, etc."  And during that time if the OM had appeared in my office door and tried to seduce me I would have been a goner, no question.  At any rate, I have put aside the rationalizations and realized that doing it would surely make fixing my marriage far more difficult, if not impossible.  So I'm giving the marriage a try, but if we cant get to a place where I feel reasonably satisfied (sexually and otherwise) I guess I'll need to move on.  I'm depressed at the thought of never having great sex again (there go those 40YO hormones!) but the rest of it matters too.  And yes, DH is going to hear some of this, although maybe not the detail of who we're talking about and what he did to me in my fantasies :twisted: [/quote]

OP here - I missed this post I guess because you were replying to someone else.  Wow.  Not sure I could call my fantasy consuming, although it might have been a close call for me being a "goner" depending on the day.  Did you see OM during this period?  If so, that must have been mind blowing, perhaps not in a good way.  I guess if he has no idea you're obsessing about him then there was no chance of anything happening (and maybe you didn't see him).

DH and I made a counseling appointment, unfortunately not with an addiction specialists as we decided doing this sooner rather than later was better than waiting for another month.  Did you have your appointment yet (you said this week I think)?  If so, how did it go?  Was it your first time in counseling together?  Did you discuss this or is way too early for that?  We've never been in counseling, so I just have no idea what to expect.  Do we slowly ease into the process, or do I just blurt out all my feelings and confessions (and anger and resentment)?   I worry about being accusatory since I share in the blame, on the other hand to the extent I shoulder some of that DH engaged the same behavior, plus all the lying, etc. surrounding drinking.  [/quote]

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