Reply to Spouse having long phone conversations with cousin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ahhhh.  OK.  I do think knowing the ages helps to put this more in perspective.  Personally I think I would talk with your husband about being concerned the two of you are not connecting emotionally.  I would leave the cousin out of the discussion.

The cousin is 25.  That is young and I'm going to guess she is not in a serious relationship.  I think if you are patient and give this some time, it is going to die a natural death.  I would work on building your relationship with the younger cousin -- it sounds like you are already friends.  I think in about 10 years she's going to come to you and say something like, you must have wanted to kill me when you first got married!  [/quote]

Cousin is engaged, has a professional career, as well as working toward her PhD. I really don't see this situation ever changing because it so much of a normalcy for them. She had a brother that was the same age as DH and he died 12 years ago when cousin was 13. I think DH tried to fill the brother's spot and it's just turned into a sibling relationship, but it's the kind that twins have where they are creepily connected and talk telepathically at the dinner table. I think I'll take solace in the fact that it's his cousin and not some girl from high school/college/work that he's texting and calling all the time. He may not be totally connected to me, but at least he's not cheating.[/quote]

Um, this is a huge part of the equation here that you left out. Her brother died when she was a kid and your husband stepped in to fill that role? They have a sibling relationship. Get over it.[/quote]

No shit. OP, this was probably part of the deal when you married DH. I bet it is a non-negotiable for him and you now bringing it up will lead to him feeling that the deal has changed. Now, when kids are in the picture there may be legitimate needs to adjust based on the kids schedules, but it can still be worked around. You definitely need to get into therapy yourself first to find out why this missing piece of time with DH is so consequential to your feelings on his emotional connectedness.[/quote]

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