Reply to DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP here, that came out wrong. I'm sure DH is worth it if you get there, would you have married him if not?  Again, good luck. [/quote]

the PP you were responding to and no worries, no offense, I dont disagree.  I'm in my early 40's but I have 2 young kids I adore and a stable home life and a big job.  I wish like hell I had more confidence that I could improve my sex life, but I dont - it was never rockin' to begin with with DH (we were well matched in every other way and I thought I had had my fun in my 20's, I could live with it).  Given all that has transpired it's hard to imagine him becoming a stud in the sack at this point.  I've gone back and forth about it, as you can tell from my musings with OP about my very elaborate fantasies about the guy with the sexy voice, but what I come to in my saner moments (and what I've been trying to convey to OP) is that we have so much going for us: we're good parenting partners, happy kids, jobs that only work because of how we share the responsibilities, and I think we can get back to at least being good friends again.  Should I really give that up for the possibility of good sex?  I've been tempted but it just doesn't seem rational.

Fire away - maybe I should...?[/quote]

OP here - well, geez, don't do that after your thoughtful and helpful comments! (by the way, I found a couple leads on counselors with addiction specialties, fortunately (?) there appears to be a lot of recovering alcoholics who need therapy in my area).  Is the sexy voiced guy unique in your fantasies, or do you fantasize about others you know, or is he just what appears to be the best fit?  I ask because you say you never spend any time alone together, so how sure could you be he would be what you want?  My fixation, as a former colleague, we spent significant time together on various projects, which were stupid and we had similar attitudes about them that helped our connection.

Do you have that with this OM?  Or maybe he's just that sexy?  Anyway, just some food for thought.  And thank you again.[/quote]

Haha, glad they were helpful!  Let us know if the counselors have any available time - the one my therapist recommended said he couldn't see us for 4 months!  (I eventually found others but the demand is striking!).   As I've said, even/especially if I divorced, I dont have the time or emotional energy to build a meaningful relationship with someone new - Mr. Voice was a good fantasy because he would be all about sex!  I have spent time with him with others - commanding authoritative presence, nice body, etc.  I haven't come across anyone I can imagine trying to have a relationship with.   Anyway, OP, I mentioned that we are starting therapy soon, and all of a sudden DH has started being attentive (like, 'how about if we order takeout and have dinner together after the kids go to sleep?' which may not sound like a big step but we've not done that since the older one was a baby).  [b]Part of me feels like he's preparing so he can face the therapist and say he's trying, but on the other hand, who cares what makes him do it as long as he means it.[/b]

Anyway, best of luck with the therapist, and as I've said all along, my $0.02 is that as long as you have hope/intent to make it work, do your best to live right (even though the temptation is totally completely understandable).  Anything else would sabotage your chances.  If you decide you're not seeing the results you need, and you lose the hope that your marriage can be saved, go for it.  Good luck![/quote]
Omg, this is my DH before counseling. It annoys me so much, it does not last in his case but he feels pretty darn good about his act for the counselor[/quote]

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