Reply to DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a good thread. One thing I'm wondering about, as a child of an alcoholic (maybe two) and a confirmed cheater, is if there is a worry that an affair - physical or even emotional - would drive DH (or DW) back to drinking.  Just seems a  natural consequence in addition to the ones that go with cheating generally, and one my family endured.

Maybe that is giving the alcoholic too much control?[/quote]

Not your responsibility. The alcoholic is responsible for their own drinking. If the world ended tomorrow, it's still their choice to drink or not. You have to let go of the illusion that you can control the alcoholic's drinking.[/quote]

Agree.  My experience was - I helped her get and stay sober, sacrificed some professional and other opportunities - not a lot, but enough - and what I got was a sexless marriage and emotionless spouse.  When I was overseas for a short work trip and met in person for the first time someone interesting who works in the same group, we went out for drinks a social event and I we ended up staying out very late and got a bit flirty.  When the thought crossed my mind that she might be interested in a one night stand (she's single), none of the "negative" thoughts involved "oh, my wife might start drinking again."  It was the other things people have mentioned here , had that thought occurred to me, I think I would have dismissed it with "she's on her own now, I did my part" and moved on.[/quote]

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