Reply to When one spouse wants to leave DC and one doesn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again, I know all of this in my rational mind. It's just suddenly hitting me very hard that my parents are aging and I may never live locally to them again. Same with my sister who just had a baby. I am jealous my husband gets this with his family.

I am fine with my house/neighborhood. DH is a good father and husband, except that I don't see him budging in this. We try to make it down every 4-6 weeks. Can't see going more than that right now. My parents come up a decent amount as well.

I just feel...stuck.[/quote]

[b]It is what it is.  Just enjoy what you have instead of what you wish you had.[/b]

My family is 600 miles away.  I see my mother ever few months.  I see my father 1-2 times a year and he is my best friend.  But my child and his mother are here.  I'm not going anywhere, I faced that fact a long time ago, so I make the best out of this area.[/quote]

My family is a 4-5 hour drive and they are not in a financial situation to visit us often ( divorced, dad can't drive long distances by himself, my mom still works) while we see my husband's family every 4-6 weeks because we are about 2 1/2 hours away and they are able to drive here quite often.  The funny thing is I always say as I am passing Richmond if only my parents lived 2 hours away it would be feasible to see them more often.  Yes, it really sucked to think my parents would be "the other grandparents" if we didn't insist the kids call them Grandma First Name and Grandpa First Name for both set of grandparents.  However, I choose to enjoy what I have rather than what I don't.  I feel fortunate that my kids have developed a close relationship with my husband's parents and that I have great in-laws.  Not only do I get along with them and they watch the kids occasionally so we can have a date night but they try to do things with the kids.  I remember seeing my grandparents and sitting on the plastic on the couch in the sitting room  or if I was lucky in the den being asked a few questions about school and then having  to entertain myself without running around or making any noise or having any toys while the adults talked.  I didn't actually go places with my grandparents and never spent time with just them to develop my own relationship with them.  It is so different with my inlaws and my kids and I feel blessed that they have that.

The fact that you have a relatively happy marriage, seem to be financially secure with two houses (note the rental house can cushion retirement or help pay for college for the kids) and you are able to SAH, husband is happy in his job, and your kids get to grow up with family (aunts, uncles, grandparents maybe cousins) nearby that is your kids family by blood even though it is your family by marriage ...I'm saying DO NOT push moving.  The upside is for you to be close to your family but the cost could be your marriage if your husband sacrifices his career and is unhappy there or it turns out your family becomes the 3rd wheel in your marriage if you are always with your parents, your kids lose being able to see and spend time with your husband's family, if you sold your house or houses then you may be priced out of coming back... I say this is someone with parents that moved to a lower cost of living location due to my mom pushing the issue.  My dad was not able to get the equivalent job and hated the pace of life in a small southern town compared to a big north eastern city and in the midst of this my mom's dad passed away and that impacted her profoundly.  It was tough for my dad on so many levels but being away from everyone and everything he knew when my mom went thru a hard time was very hard for him.  Either see if your parents would move closer to you or focus on what you do have.

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