Reply to Little sister is engaged to a 50 year old. Oh boy!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She wasn't suicidal a year ago she was suicidal as of June when she turned 30.
She met him  a couple months later .

This is her pattern I truly believe she is untreated bipolar I don't even know if he knows that about her.

A few weeks or a month from or so from now when she's in the next phase I think this will be bad.

[/quote]

My advice still stands.  If you want to in any way be helpful to your sister, your job is to try to strengthen the bond between you.  Criticizing this relationship can't possibly have a good outcome.

If your sister is hesitating to accept his proposal, she at least has the ability to stop and contemplate before making an impulsive choice.

If she truly has bipolar disorder that is undiagnosed and untreated, there are far worse things she could do while manic than marrying some dude she met 6 months ago, especially if the man is kind and cares for her.  He may not know that her mood may change, but that's a risk he takes by proposing to someone that he doesn't know all that well.  It's not your place to warn him.  He could well be a nurturing, stabilizing influence in her life.

I say this as someone who knows bipolar disorder.  My brother died from it 5 years ago.  You can't cure your sister and you may not be able to protect her from the symptoms of her disease and the damage it causes in her life.  What you can control is how you treat her and how you love her.  If I could do it all again, I would focus more on loving him and enjoying him and knowing him better, not pathologizing him.  I miss him terribly.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing this. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your words hit home for me.  My sister really is a wonderful person at times and I tend to lose sight of that in everything else  Maybe I invite her out for a sister thing in celebration of her engagement or have the two of them over for dinner.

She needs to know I'm her ally. Thank  you for your words again.[/quote]

Hey, thanks for this reply.  It means a lot to me to know it was helpful.  It's taken me 5 years to get to the place where I can say, "I wish I loved and enjoyed him more" (love being action, not feeling) rather than "I wish I could have saved him." I mean, I still desperately with I could have saved him.  But life is so short and so much is out of our control.  What I could have controlled is sounding happier to hear his voice when he called.  Listening with more attention whe he talked rather than checking off symptoms and worries in my head.  I wish we did more together as adults, like travel.  I wish I had hugged him more and smiled and laughed more.

I wish you and your sister luck.  [/quote]

PP, new poster in this thread, and want to give you a kind of virtual hug.  I'm so sorry you lost your brother.  Thank you for sharing the wisdom in your posts. I think it's applicable for a lot of us, in a lot of relationships, whether mental illness is a factor or not.  I need to keep your words in mind in my own interactions with my loved ones.  Less worrying, less annoyance, more loving.  Thank you.[/quote]

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