Reply to Pregnant at 42.5 and with serious marital issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whatever you decide about having the baby, OP, set a deadline for your husband to make progress with his issues. I have been in your position, and I decided to have the baby. The one thing I regret is that I didn't make a clear deadline and ultimatum regarding acceptable behavior and progress in therapy at the time, and then just get out early, rather than let things drag on for years of damage.

Get your finances in order, get more of a support network in place, and look into what will happen with custody if/when you split up. You have to consider the effects either way on your child/children, of being left alone in custody of your husband.

And whatever you do, because you already have a child, it's in their interest that you work with your husband, whether you intend to split or not, to see that his pdoc has him on the correct meds, and that he does continue to get therapy and anger management training.

You're in a tough spot. Wish you well.[/quote]

This is spot on.  To add -- that your therapist is pushing for anger management therapy is actually a red flag that the therapist might not really know how to deal with bipolar.  For me, ongoing anger problems are highly suggestive that the patient is not stabilized on the correct mixture of medications.  Is your DH taking a proven mood stabilizer like Lithium or Depakote?   Has the psychiatrist tried prescribing an add-on medication -- either a second mood stabilizer, or an anti-psychotic like Seroquel, or an anti-anxiety or sleep med?  Is your DH on an anti-depressant -- these can really drive a kind of dysphoric mania that often causes anger.

Therapy of any kind for you as a couple is useless until he is stabilized on meds.  Therapy for him for behavioral issues like anger (or other BP behavior problems like gambling or addiction, etc.) is not very useful absent med stabilization.   Therapy for you alone --- very useful, however!  Do you have your own therapist who is helping you manage this, both by helping you help yourself, and by advising you about his illness?  Even if he is unstable, he should be seeing his own therapist who is educating him about the illness and encouraging him to remain on medication and guiding him through the process of med feedback/changes.  Once he seems more stable on meds, then you can start dealing with relationship issues.

You should be participating in Pdoc appointments and providing feedback on his mood.  Bipolars are notorious for being poor reporters on their own mood and behavior states -- that's why psychiatric best practice guidelines encourage family involvement in treatment.  There are ways to do this while complying with HIPPA.  [/quote]

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