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[quote=Anonymous]I am a mom of 2 kids with a bipolar now exDH.  I, like you, was faced with a conscious choice during my second pregnancy about whether I should continue the pregnancy or not.  It's not an easy choice, and I'm sorry you are going through this.

Does your husband know you are pregnant?  If not, I strongly advise that you not share this information with him.  If he is bipolar, you must decide about whether to keep this baby or not as if you are going to have to raise it as a single mother.

Does your husband have any other specific problems in bipolar?  Anger is a significant problem, but many bipolars also have trouble with hypersexuality, substance abuse problems, difficulty holding a stable well paying job, gambling or other financial difficulties, etc.  Is he seeing a psychiatrist?  Committed to taking medication?  Do you participate in the providing feedback to the psychiatrist about treatment?  These should also factor into your decision-making.

My ex did not get his bipolar diagnosis until about 6 months after I ended our relationship and asked him to move out.  Even before the official bipolar diagnosis, there were other diagnoses and a long period of difficulties (that in retrospect stemmed from mania and then depression).  I came to the realization that this would never be a stable relationship when I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd child.  I seriously contemplated abortion.  It was clear that he would not be able to parent our child and that we would probably split up.  There were manic behaviors that I thought put the children at risk when they were in his care, although he was not angry or physically abusive.

Between myself and my family or origin, I did not have to worry about really economic difficulties.  I thought that it would be difficult to abort at 5 months, frankly, not because of the stage of fetal development (I am pro-choice) but because it was no longer be a private decision.  I would have to either lie and say I had a miscarriage, or tell the truth and say I had an abortion and why, or find some middle way and refuse to discuss it.  I personally couldn't live a lie like that.  But, no one knew except me about the craziness that my DH was engaging in, and I wasn't ready yet to tell the entire world about that, which I felt would have been a part of explaining why the pregnancy was no longer.  (In retrospect, the decision about continuing the pregnancy aside, it would have been much better had I been more open with all adult family members on both sides of the family -- his and mine.)  I also was concerned that I would have to manage my existing pre-schoolers feelings about the loss of an expected sibling and the real reasons for the break up of our family.  Also, frankly, this pregnancy was planned and wanted at the initial stage, so it was hard to contemplate giving that idea up.

Had the pregnancy been at an early stage and the knowledge and decision was mine and mine alone, I would have opted for abortion.  Had I been in an economically precarious position or had there been anger or abuse, I also wouldn't have continued the pregnancy.  If it had been my first pregnancy, I would also have opted for abortion regardless of the stage of development, because I could have cleanly cut my ties with him and bringing a child into that situation was very risky.

Today, I have two terrific kids, but I won't kid you that my life (and theirs by extension is difficult).  As a PP noted, the law will not provide you with full custody absent existing examples of serious physical or sexual abuse.  I am very lucky that I have navigated the situation to have full custody with frequent weekly visitation to him.  But that could (and still can) go very wrong at any moment because it is all by mutual consent.  ExDH has gone thru various manic ups and downs over the years, and we are lucky that he usually just withdraws from us and never gets so high he is delusional, angry or otherwise a serious problem (he is BP Type 2, I am not sure this would be the case if he were BP Type 1)  Our economic situation is much worse than I imagined, and I have required more help than I thought I would from my extended family.  In retrospect, I think I seriously under-estimated the impact of his illness on us.

But, having kicked him out and retained custody, I have been able to raise them in a mostly calm, healthy environment, and neither child showed signs of early onset BP.  However, there have been incidents that are indicators that they are at really elevated risk of a mood disorder in the future.  I hope, having raised them in a healthy environment, that they will have the tools to manage this should an MI eventually develop.  I am slightly less concerned about this outcome now that Obamacare and the Mental Health Parity Acts have passed because at least they are guaranteed access to healthcare and we won't be left destitute by mental illness treatment.

It's a tough choice OP.  I'm sorry that you are in this position and wish you the best whatever you choose. [/quote]

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