Reply to His Family Bringing Up His Ex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Ha, that couldn't be further from the truth. I am not bitter and angry. If I did, surely someone would know about it. I'm not jealous. He didn't marry her after 7 years and a kid. We were planning a wedding before we got to 1 year and have no kids together and has said he wants to make sure everything is done right this time. I'm 100% confident that he wants to be with me and not her, with zero doubts. I'm 100% confident that I have no resentment towards his ex who has been very nice and welcoming to me as I have been to her. My tone and discussions with her, him and his family are awesome. They like me, unless they are really good at pretending otherwise.

The only thing I could possibly be jealous of is them not accepting me because of their prior relationship with his ex. I DO NOT know if that is true and I DO NOT know if that will be the case going forward. I was just wondering if those comments were indicative of either of those things, as I have never been in that situation before. If I was that upset about it and worried, surely I would've said something about it to him at least.

Again, I don't feel it's considerate to bring up someone's ex to that person's current boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner, whatever. [b]Because, in general, who actually wants to engage in conversation about their SO's past relationships?[/b] But I'm understanding that some people just don't have an opinion on that either way and don't mean any harm when they do it.  So the feedback I am getting from here is that, no, those comments do not imply they prefer him to be with her over me. And I appreciate the constructive posters who could understand what I was asking :)

Oh, and someone brought up child support and blending families and what not. That hasn't been and won't be an issue. I have and will most likely have more money (and in the future access to more money) then he will. I expect him to support his child and that is factored into our budget. And he has done things with his ex and son. I am comfortable that nothing is going to happen and that also doesn't bother me. (it does bother her boyfriend though)

I really feel like people were pulling things out and projecting issues that aren't there, when I genuinely just wanted to know if what I was experiencing was common. And if it is, did they feel like it was subtle (or maybe not so subtle) hints about liking the ex and wishing she were still part of the family.[/quote]

People who are successful in blended families is who.  Or at least, they can tolerate it.  Ideally, in this situation, you would be enthusiastically considering his ex a family member and part of your life.  Not grudgingly tolerating it and finding it weird.  Honestly, you don't sound like much of a step-parent, and maybe that's where the disconnect is.  They think you are step-parenting the child more than you actually are.  [/quote]

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