Reply to Annoyed that our family is expected to change to accommodate my cousin's wife's rules

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depends.  Are you open to the possibility of never spending Xmas with them again? Because that may be the outcome of letting her shove it.  Note, I am noto saying her request is reasonable, because it's clearly not.  However, you need to weigh if and how much you're willing to budge (or create an impression of budging) vs possibility of a family feud involving you not being invited or some shit like that.  Everybody's breaking point is different.  I would give "objectionable" gifts to my kids at home, but that's me.  Then again, there were some requests from my SIL and MIL that pushed me over the edge and the less I see them the more happy I am for it... [/quote]

I am approaching 50 and have finally realized that giving in to people like this is a slippery slope that only gets you more unreasonable requests.  I wish that I had been taught not to give the squeaky wheel the grease.  In my family the more you give in to people like this, the more they take.  I do not think you need to be passive aggressive and give princess dolls to piss her off or dress like a princess to irritate her.  I do, however, strongly recommend that you go ahead and give your kids what you want to give them.  Her choice is not to give such gifts to her children.  That is her choice.  My kids understand that Santa only brings gifts to you that our consistent with your family's values.  It is why my daughter understands that she will never get a battery operated car that she can sit in and drive around.  Mom and Dad don't want that kind of gift for her.  This woman is the one who doesn't want her kid to have a princess Barbie doll.  I get it, but that is for her to explain to her kid, not you.  I would tell her that you will be getting your children presents that you and your husband believe are appropriate for your kids.  She can deal with it however she wants.  Trust me, the requests will only get worse and the longer you wait to speak up, the harder it will be.

Signed, I should have spoken up 25 years ago [/quote]

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