Reply to Grandchildren litter bias. Nurture or Nature...?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First of all, I agree with the other posters that your use of the word "litter" is really offputting.
Second, this is one of those situations where it is understandable to some degree that you feel upset that your kids are not getting as much love and affection as your nieces and nephews.  But rationally, the reason is that the grandparents are older, stressed, and probably don't have as much patience for little kids as they used to.  It is nothing personal about your kids vs. theirs.[/quote]

+1 toddlers and young children are a bit loud, wild and unpredictable, adorably so, but older people who are used to a quiet, controlled environment can have a hard time adjusting to this. When my own parents retired and were home together in their predictable routines, they sometimes became a bit irritable with my kids who were just doing normal kid stuff -- noise that I was accustomed to and barely noticed would cause them to flinch or grimace. They were more comfortable with a structured activity or outing than just having my kids bouncing around their house. It got better as my kuds got older and more self-contained, but I will say that I have noticed big changes inky parents as they've aged in terms of energy level and ability to tolerate unpredictability and chaos (which kids bring). It makes total sense that your IL's are different grandparents to your children 20 years later, especially considering your FIL's poor health and the stress and difficulty that brings - try to put yourself in their shoes.

I understand your disappointment, but getting old and ill is very hard. Your IL's have reached the stage of life where the roles reverse and you are likely going to take on more of a caretaking/parental role with them rather than the other way around. It is what it is, you need to make peace with it and do what you can to foster a rekationship without the resentment.
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