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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it sounds like you have a baby, if your oldest is just in preschool. Cut your wife a break!!  Much of what you said could be said about me but I am glad to say my DH and I are in great shape and I think he would tell you the attraction has not diminished. Part of that is because we made the decision together for me to stay home, but part of it is that he loves me and wants me to be happy, and he sees how much happier the kids are with me home than they were when I worked. We are also lucky that my DH earns enough that we can live comfortably and meet our goals without my financial contribution. [b] But part of why he's been as successful as he has is that my being home enables my him to give 100% to his job. He can work late, attend work dinners, travel on short notice, etc. That was NOT the case when I worked and it was really hard. It put a lot of stress on our marriage to constantly be negotiating [/b]who could do preschool drop off and who could relieve the nanny, not to mention who was going to pick up the groceries, throw dinner together, make lunches, etc. Now there's no question that I can do all those things. My DH still helps a lot when he's home but when he's not that's fine too.  Our house is messy I admit, and that's something I'm working on, but only because my youngest is now in preschool 3 mornings a week and my oldest is in kindergarten. Before that I just couldn't keep up with the house -- it doesn't come naturally to me and it was so hard with babies and toddlers. That phase really is SO difficult.  But we always caught up on weekends and the cleaning lady came once a week and it was fine. I am so glad my DH and I are on the same page because it would really make me lose respect for him if he were to cut me down the way you talk about your DW. Again, our situations aren't the same but there are a lot of similarities. This isn't what I would necessarily have chosen but my career didn't take off the way I had hoped and I felt guilty all the time being away from the kids. My DH understands that everything changes when you have kids, and the priorities and goals you had before may need to be adjusted in ways you couldn't have predicted. Try to give your wife the same understanding. [/quote]

OP, I sympathize with you.  Yes, it is hard to be the sole breadwinner.  Yes, she should not make decisions without your input.  Yet you say "I am going to put the younger one in preschool"-- what about her input into that decision?

It sounds like you don't really get what she's going through.  [b]Bearing children is really hard on the body, and your kids are really little and physically demanding.  Your wife is at the end of a long marathon of pregnancy, night feedings, etc., and it's probably pretty tough for her to feel confident and mentally sharp.  It takes a long time to truly recover from pregnancy, especially while caring for a toddler.  [/b]

You need to take a hard look at yourself, too, OP.  If she worked, would you truly pull your weight, missing work for appointments and sick kids, doing pickup and dropoff, etc.?  Because if you won't, and you didn't back when she was working, then it's going to be really hard for her to find a job that accommodates her doing all that stuff.  In addition to pumping if she's breastfeeding!  It's hard to contemplate starting a new job, after being out of the workforce, and not being able to give 100% due to the kids and pumping.  Parenting is a role, but there is also a lot of very time-consuming work that goes along with it, so it is a job.  And if you are not doing your share, then it will fall to her.  She is right to be realistic about this.[/quote]

I say as a mother of kids the same age as OP's - this is garbage.  If the little one is going to preschool in a year, he/she is probably around 1.  I have two kids the same age (active boys at that).  I work full-time (at a flexible job), exercise, cook, take care of my house, etc.  Unless OP's wife has postpartum depression or physical issues, being a year postpartum is not a disability and she needs to get it together.[/quote]

So not helpful, except as a humble brag.[/quote]

Not at all.  Saying that a woman whose youngest child is 1 is suffering physically and emotionally from pregnancy and can't be expected to pull her weight in the household is ridiculous.[/quote]

Wow, you are dense.  For some it is.  Your experience is not universal.[/quote]

I didn't say it was.  I said in the absence of PPD or a physical issue.  Attitudes like yours - the whole 'pregnancy as disability' mindset - are what contribute to gender issues like what OP is dealing with in the first place.  [/quote]

First, that wasn't my post.  Second, no one said pregnancy was a disability other than you.  Third, everyone's situation is different and some people find their career and very young children difficult to balance.  Learn some empathy.[/quote]

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