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[quote=Anonymous]Just in case there are other women like me already feeling really, really, really guilty about the lack of sex in our marriage....please don't read this thread and feel like a failure for not giving your partner what he or she needs.  There can be reasons for 'sexless spells' and there can be assistance, too.

Diseases and factors other than cancer can cause real issues with sex:  those of us who've had or who are dealing with those issues need to get help (without a doubt) for ourselves and for the health of the relationship as well.  (As one primary care doctor kept insisting to me before I left his practice "you need to deal with this because men like sex".... as if I didn't know that.....) But sometimes, when you're trying to deal with the physical or psychological pain that can come with sex due to underlying issues, you can be in a long dry spell.  It's not good.  It has consequences (including guilt).  I am sure it can lead to affairs.

It also doesn't have to be 'this way' and I hope that women who, like me, find themselves terrified of the pain that sex involves can find the right therapists and physicians to help them.  I'm saying all this because multiple times, I've seen threads like this on DCUM and skipped them because I already felt awful enough that I wasn't 'having enough sex' to keep my husband happy (forget about any self-pleasure -- with certain disorders, there's no pleasure in sex until/unless there's treatment).  Ironically, just in the past month I have finally found a physician and a care team whom I trust to help me get over the challenges.

These disorders can be anything from interstitial cystitis to adhesions to vaginismus to emotional or psychological challenges connecting to repressed memories -- there are lots more potential causes, all of which can be addressed in some way, and for many of these, there are also support groups.  I'm just beginning to find and use these resources and can only say that I wish I had done so earlier -- for my husband's sake and for mine, too.  Good luck to any who, as I was, may be going long periods without sex for reasons that are full of pain in all kinds of ways.[/quote]

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